The Spy Next Door

Jackie Chan plays an undercover CIA agent who turns out to be a disastrous babysitter for his girlfriend's three kids.

"...of old-school revelry. Certainly the Chan of yore is nowhere to be found in The Spy Next Door, which..."

Jan. 22, 2010 Movie Review by Marc Savlov

Whiteout

Kate Beckinsale plays a U.S. marshal who must investigate a murder in Antarctica and wrap it up quickly because winter is starting in three days.

"...steamy shower supplies the trashy, but the fun is nowhere to be found in this overly dour duller...."

Sept. 18, 2009 Movie Review by Kimberley Jones

Orphan

A married couple adopts a child who turns their lives into a horror show in this atmospheric, above-average but overlong addition to the "cuddly hellspawn" genre.

"...the "cuddly hellspawn" genre, overlong at two-plus hours but nowhere near as excruciatingly overdone as others of its ilk..."

July 31, 2009 Movie Review by Marc Savlov

Moon

A man (Sam Rockwell) and his computer (voiced pitch-perfectly by Kevin Spacey) – alone on a moon-based work station of the future – plumb the depths of identity and inner space.

"...Mansell). If Jones felt any first-film jitters, they are nowhere to be seen in his debut film, the technical..."

July 10, 2009 Movie Review by Kimberley Jones

Skills Like This

Winner of the SXSW Audience Award in 2007, Skills Like This is the story of a would-be writer and his impulsive, overnight career as a bank robber.

"...bank and convenience-store robber takes the money and runs nowhere. Filmed in Denver, Skills Like This feels like it..."

April 17, 2009 Movie Review by Marc Savlov

The Black Balloon

This prize-winning Australian film is a moving, youth-oriented work, featuring lovely performances by Toni Collette and Gemma Ward.

"...truer portrait of a family battered and bruised but nowhere near broken...."

April 10, 2009 Movie Review by Kimberley Jones

Igor

Pixar this animated outing isn't, but neither is it Mary Shelley's VeggieTales.

"...the Igor-free Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein, it's also nowhere near as visually, vocally, or narratively inspired – or..."

Sept. 26, 2008 Movie Review by Marc Savlov

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

This third outing makes it abundantly clear that this once-fresh mummy franchise is dead in everything but name.

"...than a cluttered, noisy, and unsatisfying thrill ride to nowhere, so masturbatory in its quest for action-comedy box office..."

Aug. 1, 2008 Movie Review by Marc Savlov

Penelope

Christina Ricci and James McAvoy star in this modern-day fairy tale about a girl who's cursed with a pig's snout for a nose but must find true love before the curse can be removed.

"...that entire plot strands crop up from out of nowhere only to disappear without explanation, never to be heard..."

Feb. 29, 2008 Movie Review by Josh Rosenblatt

P2

Horror overtakes a woman on level P2 of a parking garage, and the film's suspense plays on our collective unease with being alone, at night, surrounded by concrete and rebar.

"...creepy turn from Bentley (American Beauty), the story has nowhere else to go but into the standard (albeit judiciously..."

Nov. 16, 2007 Movie Review by Marc Savlov

The Abandoned

Creepy Eastern European atmospherics encase this horror film, which nevertheless suffers from an anemic script.

"...mightily from an anemic storyline that almost immediately has nowhere to go. That's too bad, because with a tighter,..."

March 2, 2007 Movie Review by Marc Savlov

loudQUIETloud: A Film About the Pixies

This film captures a fair amount of this band's electric charge and documents its 2004 reunion tour.

"...spastic metronome drummer David Lovering – came out of nowhere in 1986 with an impossibly strange, improbably catchy EP..."

Oct. 27, 2006 Movie Review by Marc Savlov

Free Zone

Israeli film presents the region's conflict in terms of the world's most annoying, dysfunctional-family road trip, which renders the proceedings almost as exhausting as the real thing.

"...– essentially one long, queerly prosaic car ride to nowhere – robs the film of much of its dramatic..."

July 28, 2006 Movie Review by Marc Savlov

Coachella

Where else can you see Iggy Pop & the Stooges back to back with Morrissey, Siouxsie & the Banshees, Belle & Sebastian, Bright Eyes, and Nine Inch Nails? Nowhere but in this rambling, celebratory documentary, which covers performances from all six years of the Coachella Music and Arts Festival and manages to catch the laid-back, slow-fi charm of the actual event.

"...Belle & Sebastian, Bright Eyes, and Nine Inch Nails? Nowhere but in this rambling, celebratory documentary, which covers performances..."

Feb. 10, 2006 Movie Review by Marc Savlov

Domino

Attention-deficit filmmaking reaches a new pinnacle in Tony Scott's hyperstylized portrait of a bounty hunter as an iconic bad girl.

"...twisted gospel quotations during a desert mescaline episode, there’s nowhere for this movie to head but downhill. The reality-show..."

Oct. 14, 2005 Movie Review by Marjorie Baumgarten

Dark Water

Despite a dream cast, this Hollywood remake of a Japanese horror classic is all wet.

"...hair emerging from a bathroom faucet – go absolutely nowhere here, and the overall emotion the film generates is..."

July 15, 2005 Movie Review by Marc Savlov

Million Dollar Baby

Glorious performances and Eastwood's confident direction result in a film that transcends the rules of its genre and shows us, with an unvarnished simplicity, how human beings struggle to come to terms with the unthinkable.

"...eventually develops. And so when the film executes an out-of-nowhere left hook and takes the narrative in a different..."

Jan. 28, 2005 Movie Review by Steve Davis

Open Water

Is it wrong to root for the sharks?

"...they find themselves stranded, bobbing in the middle of nowhere. It’s hard to argue with a high-concept idea like..."

Aug. 20, 2004 Movie Review by Marc Savlov

Welcome to Mooseport

Ray Romano, Gene Hackman, Maura Tierney, and Marcia Gay Harden search in vain for a laughtrack in Mooseport, Maine.

"...The movie is a high-concept premise that goes absolutely nowhere: It’s all concept and no execution. Despite the presence..."

Feb. 20, 2004 Movie Review by Marjorie Baumgarten

Divine Intervention

"...the horrors as the machinations of statehood grind inexorably nowhere. What else is there to do, honestly? Divine Intervention..."

May 9, 2003 Movie Review by Marc Savlov

The Man From Elysian Fields

"...a shuddering heap in the third act that goes nowhere that you haven't already predicted in the first half-hour...."

Oct. 25, 2002 Movie Review by Marc Savlov

Simone

"...that so many of the film's subplots go absolutely nowhere (they don't, and for that, someone, somewhere owes Jason..."

Aug. 23, 2002 Movie Review by Marc Savlov

National Lampoon’s Van Wilder

"...with massive, pendulous testes is pretty godawful) and it's nowhere near as smart as Animal House -- or even..."

April 5, 2002 Movie Review by Marc Savlov

Blue Velvet

Quintessential Lynch.

"...dementedly wild at heart or a lost highway to nowhere. Either way, there is no denying the sheer audacity..."

Nov. 16, 2001 Movie Review by Marjorie Baumgarten

Lara Croft: Tomb Raider

"...sage Tibetan monk, and plenty of CG critters, but nowhere could I find any evidence of a genuine movie...."

June 15, 2001 Movie Review by Marc Savlov

Sugar & Spice

"...the audience to sneer at the squad, who go nowhere without their cheerleading uniforms and share everything, even their..."

Jan. 26, 2001 Movie Review by Kimberley Jones

But I'm a Cheerleader

Campy film is fun viewing and shines light on lipstick lesbians who are willing to put their pom-poms where their mouths are.

"...a subplot about her buff son Rock (Cibrian) goes nowhere. Despite its bothersome dislocations and excessive camp, But I'm..."

July 28, 2000 Movie Review by Marjorie Baumgarten

Blood Simple: The Director's Cut

"...that the film and its makers sprang out of nowhere, fully formed. While that's not quite accurate, it is..."

July 14, 2000 Movie Review by Marjorie Baumgarten

Blood Simple

"...that the film and its makers sprang out of nowhere, fully formed. While that's not quite accurate, it is..."

July 12, 2000 Movie Review by Marjorie Baumgarten

Scary Movie

Keenen Ivory Wayans' broad spoof of the horror/comedy Scream series.

"...level imaginable, rife with inexplicably weak jokes that go nowhere, a whoppingly lazy screenplay that lifts whole passages of..."

July 7, 2000 Movie Review by Marc Savlov

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