Cover Story
Pirate Utopia
The 0-2’s “Temporary Autonomous Zone” for ATX rap
Pretty Ricky Knows Where to Lick, Stick Ya
It’s almost Valentine’s Day, and you know what that means: If you don’t have someone with whom to slow-dance to Journey’s “Open Arms,” time to start sharpening that straight razor. TCB has compiled a special playlist just for you for tomorrow. But first, he realizes there are a lot of couples in Austin. Therefore, there…
Austin Outlaws Open Training Camp
You know Austin has its own women’s tackle football team, right? The Austin Outlaws have finalized their roster, and training camp has begun for the start of their fourth season as part of the National Women’s Football Association. The Outlaws finished their regular season last year with a 6-2 record (both losses at the hands…
More Madness from the Mouth of ONDCP Flack Tom Riley
Sounds like ONDCP spokesman Tom Riley’s been smokin’ the whacky weed….
That Our Program Is Worthless Is NOT What’s Important Here …
Whether the ONDCP’s anti-drug media campaign actually works apparently isn’t what concerns the White House. What’s more important is who writes about the failed ad campaign.
John Stossel, Give Us a Break
Off the top rope, it’s… John Stossel?
Doctor Death
Checking in with Hospital Productions
Texas Giveth Cancer Funding With One Hand …
As Governor Rick Perry prepares for a huge investment in one anti-cancer program, another face financial ruin.
Soccer-Related Deaths in Italy and More
Italian soccer is in shambles yet again, following two killings within a week in soccer-related riots. First, a team official was kicked to death on the field following a lower-division game. Then on Friday, a policeman was killed in a riot in Catania during the Sicilian derby with Palermo, after an explosive device was thrown…
Hellbent for Pleather
A thousand lashes with Mistress Stephanie.
CBS Sells K-EYE
CBS sells its local TV affiliate to an investment group.
Houston Dynamo Unveil Potential Mascot Designs
The Dynamo completed their first year in Houston holding aloft the MLS Cup as league champions. Now the real work begins, choosing a mascot. Students from the Houston Art Institute submitted their designs for potential Dynamo mascots, and the winner should be announced soon with the mascot hopefully making his debut by the start of…
GSA Rejects Delay of Intel Implosion
The Intel building implosion is still on.
Austin Climate Protection Plan
Take a look at the ambitious initiative to make the city carbon neutral.
Bats New Coach Wastes No Time Picking Up Loss No. 1
On Monday the Austin Ice Bats fired their head coach Bill McDonald and replaced him with Brent Hughes, who previously led the Ice Bats from 1999 to 2003. Hughes is the winningest coach in franchise history, having compiled a 174-74-22 record in his tenure. It didn’t take him long to pick up his first loss…
Reptiles in the Rotunda
There’s something slithering in the State House.
Is Perry’s HPV Order Illegal?
One legal expert says Gov. Perry overstepped his authority with the HPV order; another says the authority doesn’t even exist.
One Hell of a New Year
For Jennifer Kim, it’s been a rough one.
Shell Game
It’s not a party until something gets broken. The Intel shell, that is.
Dutton Proposes Easing Pot Penalties
State rep wants possession of small amounts reduced to misdemeanor.
Taking Aim at the Tijuana Drug Cartels
With their trusty slingshots at the ready, Tijuana police strike out to combat violent drug cartels
Intel Shell Set to be Felled
Intel better not be inside, if he knows what’s good for him.
Perry: Sell the Lottery
Perry Wants to Sell State Lottery
Iraq: Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell
Did the Pentagon deliberately hide evidence of a friendly fire incident in Iraq from British courts?
Will Wynn Works It Out
The mayor gets it limber for a new photo shoot
About Those Naked Activists
Send us yer skin pics
TV Casualty
What’s a newspaper anyway?
The Ascension of the Toros; and the Joys of Minor-League Basketball
Don’t look now, but the Austin Toros have the longest winning streak in the D-League. After this weekend’s home back-to-back against the Bakersfield Jam – a double overtime thriller on Friday night followed by a low-scoring slog on Saturday that ended with a buzzer-beating three-pointer from B.J. Elder – the suddenly not-so-lowly Toros, who started…
Perry’s Vaccination Order Raises Questions
Perry Orders HPV Vaccine
Watada Documentary Tonight
A documentary screening tonight in support of the first commissioned officer to refuse deployment to Iraq.
‘Bevy of Sexy Nude Activists’
PETA want you comfortable in your own skin, not someone else’s.
Curse Them Kids, With Their New Technamanology
What does Rick Perry have against Web cams, and the Statesman have against bloggers?
Compare and Contrast
Will Phil King still deny the existence of global warming after the United Nation’s latest report?
Arby’s Oven Mitt Visits the Bat Cave!
Not to be shown up by Da Bull, the Austin Ice Bats hosted their own Mascot Night Saturday featuring the Austin Wranglers’ Trigger, Texas State’s Boko the Bobcat, Round Rock Express’ Spike, the Bud Man, the Bats’ Fang, and the one-and-only Arby’s Oven Mitt. That’s right, the Oven Mitt. The Score was too busy drowning…
‘Possession Arrow’: BarnesHuggins
[Two contemporary classics of the coaching ranks, two bloggers with nothing better to do than inhabit other people’s personalities on a perfectly nice Saturday afternoon while watching Kansas State visit Texas, they of the 22-game home winning streak. John Razook will be playing the part of Bob Huggins; Shawn Badgley, Rick Barnes. All clock times…
Da Bull Returns!
The Austin Toros mascot and cause célèbre, Da Bull, has been attracting enough media attention of late to make K-Fed and Britney jealous. The Toros are hosting several promotions this weekend in their two-game homestand vs. the Bakersfield Jam with Da Bull in the middle of most of the action. Friday is San Antonio Spurs…
Senate Passes Minimum-Wage Raise
U.S. Senate approves $2.10 minimum-wage raise, first increase in more than nine years.
Bagpipes Pub & Eatery Hosts Wing King 3
An “extreme wing-eating competition”? Yes, and it’s taking place at Bagpipes Pub & Eatery (9070 Research), North Austin’s authentic Irish answer to Hooter’s! The Big 1530 ESPN Radio hosts Wing King 3 on Wednesday, Feb. 7. Two heats will pit the top nine qualifying wing-dingers against one another, with 15 minutes and 30 seconds to…
Katrina Past, Katrina Present, Katrina’s Future
UN scientists warn that Katrina-style weather disasters will become more common. Is Texas (or anyone) ready for more storms or the refugees that come with them?
The Day the Music Lived
WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE: It’s unlikely Feb. 2 will go down in music history the same way Feb. 3 has. Tomorrow is the 48th anniversary of “The Day the Music Died,” the Clear Lake, Iowa, plane crash that claimed Buddy Holly, J.P. “the Big Bopper” Richardson, Richie Valens, and, if not for a lucky coin…
Samurai Sword
Austin Powell debuts “Into the Void” with the Sword’s Trivett Wingo
Fascinating Political Factoid of the Day
Rick Perry isn’t even good enough to be called a loser.
You Got Damage in My Joy
Your first dose of Schadenfreude
Now There Was a Guy With an Exit Strategy
Names from Hell.
Hurricane Housing Censorship News
Housing Authority of New Orleans asks attorney helping Katrina-evacuee tenants to stop talking to media about contentous government plan to demolish public housing deemed too damaged by Katrina to fix
‘In That Era’?
Even when trying to compliment Molly Ivins, the Statesman still gets it wrong.
Texas on the Brink
El Paso Sen. Eliot Shapleigh got the Internet going nuts.
God Grew Tired of Us: The Story of Lost Boys of Sudan
This multiaward-winner from Sundance 2006 follows three “lost boys” of the Sudan, chronicling three years of their journey in the United States, while revealing as much about American life as African life.
Page Two: The Stravinsky Theory
The healing power of prescience, set on “repeat”
Texas Platters
Patty GriffinChildren Running Through (ATO) As brushed snares and upright bass usher in “You’ll Remember,” the torch song opening Patty Griffin’s fifth album, Children Running Through, fans of the Austin singer-songwriter will feel that familiar thrill of letting her new material seep into their persons. From the start, Griffin’s demonstrated a preternatural ability to craft…
Cross Talk on Northcross
Are discussions and negotiations on planned redevelopment of Northcross Mall bearing fruit? Depends on whom you talk to.
Letters @ 3AM
The widespread and richly deserved condemnation of President Bush’s new Iraq “plan” has been high on rhetoric and low on specificity
Texas Platters
Norah JonesNot Too Late (Blue Note) One could point to Norah Jones writing and recording a song titled “Wake Me Up” on Not Too Late, her third album, and go for the easy cheap shot. Sure, the 27-year-old former Texan made her name by recording two discs that are easy to doze off to and,…
WilCo, Texas Fair Defense Project Duke It Out
WilCo attempting to discredit TFDP by alleging ethics violations in complaint pending before Texas Supreme Court’s Unauthorized Practice of Law Committee
After a Fashion
Your Style Avatar gets all Sunset Boulevard at the David Lynch premiere
Texas Platters
Brennen LeighThreadgill’s, Jan. 28 Preachin’ love for the Louvin Brothers as much as the Lord, Brennen Leigh gave both ample voice and praise Sunday morning at Threadgill’s. The soft-eyed, simply spoken local songstress took the stage late for the 204th Kick-Butt Gospel Brunch down on the Riverside but promptly transformed the tavern to tabernacle with…
This Week in the Chronic
Jennifer Kim and Gategate
Day Trips
The Way Out Wineries tour leads visitors on a Mardi Gras parade to eight of the best Texas wines that they have never heard of
Texas Platters
American GraveyardRough Around the Edges You can’t always judge a CD by its cover, but there’s nothing misleading about this Austin quartet’s maiden offering. The image of some wayward soul passed out (or dead) on train tracks, with only his acoustic guitar for company, mirrors the music within: debauched Americana with a healthy appetite for…
AISD: Another Overcrowding Conundrum
Brentwood Elementary parents upset over AISD proposal to bus 200 new students in from farther north
Soccer Watch
U.S. Women win the Four Nations Cup in China, and more
Texas Platters
Bill KirchenHammer of the Honky-Tonk Gods (Proper American) As one of the kings of diesel-billy, Bill Kirchen drives his big-rig guitar faster than a trucker on bootleg speed. He is, after all, the man who parked “Hot Rod Lincoln” on the charts in 1972 with Commander Cody & His Lost Planet Airmen. With Hammer of…
Criminal Justice Policy Folly
Perry signs executive order creating state Criminal Justice Statistical Analysis Center, basically reconstituting Texas’ Criminal Justice Policy Council, which he axed back in 2003
Mr. Smarty Pants Knows
The English dictionary spreads the Word
Texas Platters
Yellow Fever was destined for great sounds from its pedigree alone: Bassist Isabel Martin spent time in the much-missed Teenage Dog, guitarist Jennifer Moore moonlights in the Carrots and Voxtrot, and Adam Jones used to drum for Basic. The local trio’s debut EP is seven perfect, bare-bones pop songs, Martin and Moore’s harmonies sounding like…
On the Lege
Rose, Dukes rewarded for standing with Craddick
The Common Law
Do I need a passport to travel to Mexico?
Texas Platters
One Black Lung Bushsongs Despite an intriguing patina of subtle, snap-sharp pop-tones, One Black Lung’s 11-song diatribe against life in the Bush regime suffers under the weight of its own indignation. The local duo’s sentiments, neatly summarized in their sophomore effort’s opening salvo, “Leader of the Free World,” lose potency with repetition. After all, even…
Point Austin: Flying Air Kim
The council member, the memos, and the disappearing aide
Long on Creativity
In its 14th season, FronteraFest is as inventive, surprising, and out there as ever
Oops!
Our latest batch
Texas Platters
HugGod Gasm (Big Block) Listening to Hug will make your urine burn a little more than usual. The local porn purveyors, expelled from Ministry’s The Land of Rape and Honey, produce Casio keyboard and fuzzed-out, guitar-driven erotic odysseys and oddities recalling Big Black’s The Rich Man’s Eight Track Tape, while making Steve Albini sound like…
Beside the Point
Council votes to double time limit on sewer repairs
TCB
SXSW’s Brent Grulke explains the reasoning behind the blog-bemoaned band-list delay.
Iron Chef Alamo Round Two
What happened in the Black Orpheus battle?
Playing Whack-a-Deer at Pace Bend Park
Ex-ranger blasts Travis County culling hunts
The Hightower Report
Poor John Roberts; and A Mountaintop Revelation
Zachary Scott Theatre Center: Ciccolella’s curtain call
After a successful eight-year run as managing director, Ann Ciccolella is making her exit from the Zachary Scott Theatre Center
Bocaditos
Shaggy’s Original Jerk Marinade
Ranger Whistle-Blower
Wilkinson details accusations against county
I Found My Fill on BlackBerry Hill
At Sundance, a renewed “Focus on Film” amid celebrity worship and the frantic search for the next big thing
Epic Movie
The filmmakers are completely tone-deaf when it comes to the art of film parody, and their special form of sadism-as-punch-line leaves the audience in a perpetual cringe.
Fire Island Hot Glass Studio: Fire goes out with a blowout
After 25 years, Matthew LaBarbera is closing Fire Island Hot Glass Studio, the oldest glassblowing studio in Texas
Sarah’s Mediterranean Grill & Market
Everything about Sarah’s radiates a strong and calm sense of self-respect, from the cheerful cleanliness to the excellent cooking
Developing Stories
Five current projects work for Austin-centric synergy
‘SXSW Presents’
“BBQ: A Texas Love Story”
Blood and Chocolate
Lycanthropy and young love: not as yummy as it sounds but nowhere near as godawful as Van Helsing, a small mercy but very much appreciated.
Arthouse: Unveiling a new curator
Elizabeth Dunbar joins Arthouse as its first full-time curator in the organization’s 95-year history
Cibo
Given his pedigree, when I heard that chef Will Packwood and new partners were opening an Italian restaurant Downtown, my expectations were high
Immigrant Detention Blues
Unknown number of immigrants languish in private detention center in Taylor; a small but growing group is working to make their situation public knowledge
Festival Express
SXSW Film 07: March 9-17
Because I Said So
With a lazy, cliché, and rabid plot and paper-thin character development, this comedy’s idea of fun involves the intergenerational discussion of orgasms.
Arts Review
In The Goat, or Who is Sylvia?, Edward Albee has created an intellectual car wreck, and Different Stages has executed it so skillfully, you can’t tear your eyes away
Food-o-File
So far in 2007: fires, microbrews, and football
Pitonyak Trial: From Court TV to You
Jury finds former UT student Colton Pitonyak guilty of “knowingly and intentionally” murdering Jennifer Cave, gives him 55 years
Film News
How to spend $5 million, get signed at Sundance, and get Caught in the Act
Eating Out 2: Sloppy Seconds
In this gay sex-comedy sequel, a gay guy pretends to be straight in order to woo the new nude model in town who can’t decide if he’s gay or straight.
Arts Review
The overall feel of the Austin Playhouse production of Oscar Wilde’s An Ideal Husband is polite and relaxed, but the actors do provide gut-busting performances
Event Menu
Feb. 2-8
Hope on Minimum-Wage Horizon
Serious state and federal efforts under way to pass legislation that would raise minimum wage, stuck more than nine years at a pathetic $5.15 an hour
DVD Watch
A double re-release from one of cinema’s greatest director-actor duos
Hoboken Hollow
This Texas-made slasher film draws on the early Eighties Ellebracht slave-ranch case in Kerr County for its story, but like the real thing, it’s a bloody mess.
Readings
Intervention: Confronting the Real Risks of Genetic Engineering and Life on a Biotech Planetby Denise Caruso Hybrid Vigor Press, 252 pp., $17.95 (paper) Scientists claim ordinary folks can’t be trusted to weigh the pros and cons of transgenics – swapping genes from one species to another. They know nothing about genetics (too overwhelmed by the…
Naked City
Quote of the Week “We are the people who run this country. We are the deciders. And every single day, every one of us needs to step outside and take some action to help stop this war. Raise hell. Make our troops know we’re for them and trying to get them out of there. Hit…
TV Eye
KLRU Krazy
Constellation
A 40-year-old biracial love affair affects an extended family as it reunites at a funeral.
Readings
Smokin’ Hot: A Texas High School Football Story Photographs and text by Kevin Vandivier KVP Press, 87 pp., $36 In Smokin’ Hot: A Texas High School Football Story, photographer Kevin Vandivier turns his attention to the Lake Travis High School Cavaliers football team. Covering the 2004 and 2005 seasons, Vandivier documents a remarkable turnaround that…
The World Is Yours, the Money’s Mine
Without homegrown entrepreneurs, Texas rap never would have been able to brand itself to the nation at large. Without J. Prince backing the Geto Boys or DJ Screw selling gray tapes, Chamillionaire wouldn’t currently be nominated for two Grammys. It takes a solid business plan to make much of a mark away from home. Here…
Chipping Away at Tough CHIP Requirements
House Dems call for repeal of tough eligibility requirements for working parents seeking health assistance for their uninsured children
Molly Ivins 1944-2007
Syndicated Austin political columnist and Texas icon Molly Ivins passed away on January 31. Leave your remembrances of Ivins here.
I’m Just a Bill: Replacing the Big Tuna
Sports Illustrated recently ran a quick story about possible replacements for Bill Parcells after he retires, listing probable but boring candidates like Norv Turner and Mike Singletary. Despite all evidence to the contrary, I’m pretending Jerry Jones reads this blog, so here’s a few better, more interesting suggestions for him.
Charlie the Tuna
OK, this one’s pretty weak, I admit. Bill Parcells’ nickname is “Big Tuna,” so I’m suggesting he be replaced with an actual big tuna. Get it? If you couldn’t tell, I’m not getting paid to post this stuff, so I’m certainly not wasting A material on this shit. Advantages: One word: persistence. The tuna spends…
Jim Halpert
Basically the same joke as the Charlie thing. If you’re a true Office nerd, you’ll know Jim’s nickname is “Big Tuna.” But bad jokes aside, how sweet would this be? Advantages: Basically everything. Jim is the man, with his boyish yet accessible good looks and his easygoing sense of humor. He’s got Pam and Karen,…
Sloth From ‘The Goonies’
Are you serious? The guy’s a dead-ringer for Parcells. I bet some of the slower Cowboys (I’m looking at you, T.O.) wouldn’t know the difference. Advantages: You basically can’t lose. If the Cowboys win, great. If they lose, so what? Picture it: Oh, way to go, Redskins. I hope you’re real proud of yourselves, beating…
The Robot Girl From ‘Small Wonder’
Why hasn’t anybody thought of this before? If you’re going to drag up old has-beens like Bill Parcells and Barry Switzer, why not call Vicki up from whatever horrible things she’s no doubt doing these days. Either that or she’s a Christian evangelist. Advantages: She’s possibly the creepiest thing ever seen on TV, so the…
The Corpse of Ronald Reagan
If you won’t carve the man in Mount Rushmore, maybe you could at least make him honorary coach of America’s Team. The man single-handedly won the Cold War for crap’s sake. Advantages: Remember the “win one for the Gipper” speech. That one gets ’em every time. Plus the man died so recently that any criticism…
Trick Daddy
Come on, look at him. You know you were thinking the exact same thing. Advantages: The man‘s absolutely terrifying. I’m actually scared he’s going to hunt me down and kill me for even grafting his head onto the bitch-titted torso of Bill Parcells. Disadvantages: He’s a great offensive strategist, but the rumor is he relies…
Hong Kong Phooey
First off: He’s quicker than the human eye. Second: With that cat who always solved the mysteries as assistant coach, he’d be unstoppable. Plus, bestiality concerns aside, the secretary who had a crush on him was sort of hot, in a repressed librarian sort of way. Advantages: Wouldn’t that be some shit? Disadvantages: Absolutely none.…
Luv Doc Recommends: 30th Carnaval Brasileiro
If you’re the type of person who likes to show a lot of skin, February maybe isn’t your month. If anything, February is the month to show your fur … or wool … or plumage – ideally anything that doesn’t shrink or pucker in the cold weather. Face it: Skin doesn’t really look good cold.…
