OK, this one’s pretty weak, I admit. Bill Parcells’ nickname is “Big Tuna,” so I’m suggesting he be replaced with an actual big tuna. Get it? If you couldn’t tell, I’m not getting paid to post this stuff, so I’m certainly not wasting A material on this shit.
Advantages: One word: persistence. The tuna spends its whole life swimming upstream just to lay eggs in its original spawning grounds. Wait, that’s a salmon, isn’t it? All right, then. Let’s go with his high-protein content, then.
Drawbacks: Every time the Cowboys lose, you could look forward to Chris Berman saying “Sorry, Charlie.”
Rating: 2/10

This article appears in February 2 • 2007.

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