If you won’t carve the man in Mount Rushmore, maybe you could at least make him honorary coach of America’s Team. The man single-handedly won the Cold War for crap’s sake.
Advantages: Remember the “win one for the Gipper” speech. That one gets ’em every time. Plus the man died so recently that any criticism or any jokes about him would be in really poor taste.
Disadvantages: Rigor mortis, obviously. Plus, his foreign policy allowed Osama bin Laden to take power in Afghanistan. I’m not entirely sure how that applies, but I bet Tom Landry wouldn’t’ve done it.
Rating: 5/10

This article appears in February 2 • 2007.

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