I Am 'Beowulf'!

Holy Gold Rhyton Batman! Err … I mean, Beowulf!

That was the most latently homosexual (and surprisingly sexist) movie I've seen in a while.

Nude battles? Monstrous sons who want to kill their daddies? Warrior pals who remain steadfast friends and companions for years?

Must be Beowulf. I suggest a queer cattle call to a weekend showing of the movie.

Others have commented on the film's (ahem) appeal to gay viewers, and indeed, my boyfriend and I were tittering throughout the entire movie. Lines like, "Many a man have come to drink my lord's mead," along with extended periods of near-nudity took me back – to middle school.

Yet this queer bait has an undeniably sexist underside – the ultimate baddie is a sea-monster-demon-human-killer who is at once seductive and grotesque (thanks Angelina Jolie!), that, and, you know, every other woman in the film is either a wench or a jaded lover.

On another note: I cannot wait for a CGI version of the epic of Gilgamesh to come out sometime in 2010! Gilgamesh and Enkidu (we called him "Stinky Poo" in high school; man were we sophisticated) = the greatest gay warrior couple ever. Appeal to bears (the beards!) and gym bunnies (the bodies) and romantics (the undying love and devotion). Until then, we'll have to wait for straight men and gay men to get their cry on, together.

Cause, you know, Troy didn't deliver!

P.S. Can someone give me a count as to how many times Beowulf says his own name in the movie multiplied by the number of replies which are vocalized as mere grunts? Thanks.