The Luv Doc

Dear Luv Doc,
What factor is most important in a loving relationship?
Mark S

That’s easy Mark: Flexibility. And no, I am not suggesting you go find some double-jointed Russian gymnast who can fold her legs behind her head. That would be really super if you were wanting to try your hand at vajazzling, but it probably wouldn’t increase your chances at a successful, loving relationship. Then again, what do I know? That type of extreme physical flexibility would surely require someone to overcome mental barriers and explore unknown territory, and that can only be a good thing.

Being in a relationship doesn’t mean being in stasis. It doesn’t mean that once you “put a ring on it” your love, looks, attitudes, and beliefs are all frozen in amber for eternity. Au contraire. As much as Zales would like you to believe otherwise, a ring doesn’t change anything whatsoever. You still have to deal with all the same bullshit life throws at you, only now you have to deal with someone else’s reaction to it as well. Trouble? Yeah, it can be. As much as you might think you’re just like somebody or that you know their every thought, you don’t. You can’t. More importantly, even if you do know their thoughts, those thoughts are subject to change - even and especially when yours don’t. Ouch.

Not only is your partner’s mind subject to change, the body is, too. Waistlines bulge, hairlines recede, boobs sag, ballsacks drop precipitously low, and wrinkles, liver spots, and random hairs start showing up everywhere. Regardless of how it happens, change is going to happen, and you need to find a way to wrap your mind around it - maybe even embrace it.

Life is filled with wonderment and miracles. It can also be a consternating shitstorm of confusion and random misfortune. People are attracted to the idea of a relationship partly by the belief that a it will provide stability amidst the vicissitudes of life. It’s really great knowing someone has your back, but you still have to face the same music, and sometimes that music sounds like a mash-up of Yoko Ono, Die Antwoord, and Nickelback. You have to equip yourself to deal with that as best you can. Foam earplugs will only get you so far. Long-term, your best defense against the randomness, complexity, and insanity of life is to keep an open mind. The minute you begin to believe you have it completely figured out and all nailed down is the minute you set yourself up for disappointment, disillusionment, and disaster. Trust your infinite capacity for ignorance. Strive for what limited understanding you can attain.