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That Extra Syllable Is a Huuuge Time-Waster
The patient gentility of the anagram ASAP
Tue., May 15, 2012
Italian Boyfriends and Perky, Bleach-Blonde Updos
In the real world of the 99-percenter, however, moral questions are rarely black-and-white
Tue., May 8, 2012
The Stockholm Syndrome
Volleyball: Seriously, it’s like a crowded game of badminton with a huge, unfeathered cock
Wed., May 2, 2012
The Mind-Numbing Hell of Child-Oriented Places
For aeons, child rearing was just a begrudging afterthought, and somehow humanity managed to march forward
Wed., April 25, 2012
Bikinis, Banana Hammocks, and Baby Oil
You can never be overdressed or overeducated
Tue., April 17, 2012
Stop Talking About Your Workout. Forever.
A great body doesn’t make you interesting, it just makes your dullness slightly more tolerable.
Tue., April 10, 2012
Parachute Pants and a Kentucky Waterfall
A miniature pony is an even awesomer chick magnet than an IROC-Z
Tue., April 3, 2012
Insufferable Narcissists
Just the act of procreative sex is an undertaking of considerable hubris.
Mon., March 26, 2012
Friends
Dear Luv Doc, Last week, my friend from St. Louis – who I said could come stay with me during...
Tue., March 20, 2012
Texas Film Hall of Fame
There is a lot of anxiety among the townies about being properly credentialed during South by Southwest, and rightfully so....
Tue., March 13, 2012
TechNERDphilia
Here’s a quick rundown of dope shit at this year’s South by Southwest Interactive festival. If you ain’t got a...
Wed., March 7, 2012
Organic Gardening
Dear Luv Doc, A few weeks ago, my husband and I put a small vegetable garden in our backyard –...
Tue., Feb. 28, 2012
Toftation Island
Chronicle parties nearly always degenerate into depraved, drug-swilling freak shows that last into the wee hours. On the one hand,...
Tue., Feb. 21, 2012
The Jaw-Dropping Hammer of Thor
Dear Luv Doc, A few nights ago, I had a dream that I was getting coffee at Spider House, and...
Wed., Feb. 15, 2012
Teenage Drifters and Truck Stop Prostitutes
Dear Luv Doc, Whenever I buy Neapolitan ice cream, my roommate eats the chocolate and leaves the vanilla and strawberry....
Mon., Feb. 6, 2012
A Resurgence of Quality Programming
Dear Doc: In these exciting times, I often wonder: Why haven't we seen a resurgence of quality programming like Battle...
Tue., Jan. 31, 2012
It's Called Priapism
What does the doctor do to you if you have a hard-on for more than four hours after taking Viagra?...
Mon., Jan. 23, 2012
What Next: Truck Taint?
Dear Luvdoc, My husband recently got himself a pair of metallic truck nuts and hung them on the back of...
Mon., Jan. 16, 2012
A Mind-Boggling Variety of Sensory Input
Dear Luvdoc, Why is the sky blue? – Gerald. Wow Gerald. Maybe you should instead ask yourself why you don't...
Wed., Jan. 11, 2012
Carpool Etiquette
Luvdoc, Ever since my boss learned we live on the same side of town, he keeps asking to ride home...
Wed., Jan. 4, 2012
NYE 1977
Saturday night begins the year of the Mayan apocalypse. Time to get your ducks in a row … just in...
Wed., Dec. 28, 2011
Africa Night With Zoumountchi
This year the Lord's Day is on the Lord's Day – that being Lord Jr. and Lord Sr., respectively, who...
Wed., Dec. 21, 2011
Jeff Hughes & Chaparral
If you're too cool to dance country, you're living in the wrong burg. Pull that stick out and relax, Slick....
Wed., Dec. 14, 2011
Cherrywood Art Fair 10th Anniversary
No matter what Jesus said, Christmas is no time to jump off the materialism bandwagon. You may think you're doing...
Wed., Dec. 7, 2011
Fleetwood Mac Hoot Night
Like Joe Paterno jokes, Christmas is just … too soon. Yeah, yeah, broken record. Every year the schmaltz piles thicker...
Wed., Nov. 30, 2011
A 'Hole' Bunch of Thanks With Chris Brecht & Dead Flowers
Well, well, well … what have we to be thankful for? Yes, the world economy's in the toilet, drought and...
Tue., Nov. 22, 2011
East Austin Studio Tour
Any artist who can afford a studio in East Austin must be doing pretty well, right? Those digs ain't cheap....
Wed., Nov. 16, 2011
Sims Benefit Bash
If you're a 99 Percenter (and there's about a 99% chance that you are), here's a little secret: You didn't...
Tue., Nov. 8, 2011
Austin Tequila Fest
If you've ever woken up shirtless with your pants around your ankles, upside down in a stranger's bathtub with a...
Wed., Nov. 2, 2011
Zombie Ball: The Party To Die For
Put your costume on now. It's go time. It already was last weekend but maybe you didn't get the memo....
Wed., Oct. 26, 2011
Gypsy Picnic Trailer Food Festival
First of all, if you're offended by the term "gypsy," back off. It ain't like that. Here in Austin we...
Tue., Oct. 18, 2011
Second Annual Freak Show Festival
Well now that we've had some rain, there's not much to bitch about anymore except the economy. Have at it....
Wed., Oct. 12, 2011
Central Texas Paranormal Conference
New bumper sticker: Keep Austin Paranormal. That's pretty close to weird, isn't it? OK, so maybe not in a dreads-and-tie-dye...
Wed., Oct. 5, 2011
Gagarazzi: A Lady Gaga Burlesque and Variety Show
Time to head down to the butcher shop so you can start putting your costume together. Meat is fairly expensive,...
Wed., Sept. 28, 2011
Queensr˙che
You may be one of those whippersnappers whose image of the Eighties looks a lot like Arnold's Drive-In: Richie, Potsie,...
Wed., Sept. 21, 2011
Austin Corn Lovers Fiesta
One thing's for certain: Dyslexia is a hibtc. Words are hard enough to understand without having to play a game...
Wed., Sept. 14, 2011
Alamo Drafhouse & Parkside Present: Rolling Roadshow - 'Ferris Bueller's Day Off'
If you saw Ferris Bueller's Day Off during its opening run, your tattoos are probably green. Wait a minute …...
Wed., Sept. 7, 2011
Out of Bounds Comedy Festival
How much comedy can anyone truly take? That's a very serious question, isn't it? The mere prospect of six or...
Wed., Aug. 31, 2011
2011 'Austin Chronicle' Hot Sauce Festival
The 2011 Austin Chronicle Hot Sauce Festival is this Sunday at Waterloo Park. That's all you really need to know....
Wed., Aug. 24, 2011
Red Hot Patriot: The Kick-Ass Wit of Molly Ivins
Yes, it was Molly Ivins who invented the nickname "Gov. Goodhair" for Rick Perry. That single instance of wickedly brilliant...
Wed., Aug. 17, 2011
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