When you've lost John Cornyn, i.e., the whitest man on Earth, you know you're in serious trouble. Could this be the end for 'Berto?

Even Sen. John Cornyn, R-Texas, the administration's most faithful legislator, said "the appearances are troubling" for Gonzales. "I'm concerned," Cornyn said with Patrick Leahy, D-Vt., at his side. "This has not been handled well." The best Cornyn could offer Gonzales: "In Texas, we believe in having a fair trial and then we have the hanging."

Of course, Cornyn's dismal poll numbers may have him moving along with the tide, but jeez. It's always astonishing how fast the GOP moves to eat their own. But it's a trait we strongly encourage.

Alberto Gonzales, the lick-spittle yes-man and Bush consigliere masquerading as the attorney general, will hold a press conference at 2pm, D.C. time. The significance? Well, if you've been drowning in Festival screenings and such over the last few days, Gonzales is assailed on all sides. He lied to Congress over the FBI's use of the PATRIOT Act, and the purge of U.S. attorneys insufficiently aggressive against Democrat targets is slowly but surely winding back to his office and the White House, with Gonzales' aide recently resigning. The New York Times has called for Gonzales' resignation, too – and the AG recently canceled some travel plans.

We know its a lot to hope for, what with Fitzmas just passing and all, but please, please, please – can we get this asshole outta there?

UPDATE: The defiant little dipshit just said he isn't going anywhere, or something to that effect. Oh, and he'll be investigating the purge. Sure he'll get to the bottom of that one. … Drag him before Congress, stat!

Bob Dylan loves Texas. He was good friends with Doug Sahm, has toured with Willie Nelson several times, and seems to have employed half the Austin music scene in his band at one time or another: Charlie Sexton, Denny Freeman, Augie Meyers, Elana James. TCB pal, dynamite gal, and Austin Music Awards backstage doyenne Darcie Fromholz worked as a PA on his minor-league ballpark tour last summer. Hi, Darcie!

So it was probably inevitable that Dylan's XM radio show Theme Time Radio Hour would get around to Texas, and it's no accident he did it in March, the season of Texas Independence Day, rodeos, wildflowers (soon enough, anyway), and SXSW. With his vast mysterious archives, Dylan could fill up three or four shows with songs about Texas, at least, but for this one, he chose nothing but the good stuff: Larry Davis' original "Texas Flood," an ancient clip of Jimmie Rodgers and the Carter Family singing "T for Texas," Hawaiian steel guitar giant King Nawahi & the Hawaiians' "Under a Texas Moon."

Dylan seasons his show with all sorts of Texana: Los Lobos' David Hidalgo talking about conjunto pioneer Don Santiago Jimenez (father of Santiago Jr. and Flaco), a clip from Giant, fun facts about Lady Bird Johnson, Houston founders the Allen brothers, Peacock Records founder Don Robey, and Texasisms like "a worm is the only animal that can't fall down." Thanks, Bob. Come back anytime.

Theme Time repeats 5pm tomorrow on XM channel 40, and Dylan's playlist is after the jump.

Stella Boes, the patriotic, colorful beehive-sporting waitress (and quite a hoofer to boot) at the Carousel Lounge, passed away Monday. She was 80. Even in her later years, Boes was always game for a spin around the dance floor, and most nights could be found taking orders and passing around the tip jar. A viewing is scheduled for 5-7pm tomorrow at Cook-Walden Funeral Home, 6100 N. Lamar Blvd. Mourners are asked to wear red, white, and blue in Boes' honor. Her funeral is noon Friday at the Redeemer Lutheran Church, Anderson Lane and Woodrow, and a memorial service with several of her favorite bands is in the works.

A brief interview TCB did with Boes on the Carousel's 40th anniversary in 2003 is here.

Late breaking blog: Direct Events just announced a second ZZ Top show at the Backyard on tax day, April 15, so get ready to blow that refund check on fake beards and Lone Star. The Li'l Ol' Band From Texas' April 14 show sold out, like, forever ago, in one day, something those pussies the Shins still haven't done, and they play today. Kind of makes a feller proud to be from Texas. Tickets go on sale 10am Saturday at Waterloo Records, UT Co-op, all RunTex locations, and www.gettix.net.

Big up to Austin's Zykos, whose "sprawling indie rock from the Lone Star State" won them Spin.com's "Band of the Day" today. Elsewhere on the site, someone wrote up Explosions in the Sky's big sold-out psych-fest at Emo's last night; apparently our Friday Night Lights heroes have "one of the most accurate band names in music today." There are new Spoon tour dates on there, too, but nothing in Texas. Considering Metal Dave Glessner's write-up in this month's paper mag, it's easy to see why people from out of town think it's always South by Southwest around here. It kind of is.

I guess we should say something about I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, former chief-of-staff to Dick Cheney, getting his ass handed to him by the feds this morning. For lying about his knowledge in le affaire de Plame, he's guilty on four of five counts of obstruction of justice and perjury. (So for once, on the stand, Tim Russert apparently told the truth!)

Countdown to pardon in 3 … 2 … 1 …

Jan. 9, TCB's next-door neighbor and all-around lovely young lady Heather Haenes was involved in a horrific car accident that, after extensive surgeries, cost her both lower legs. Fortunately, she has a lot of friends, several of whom band together in about a half-hour or so for tonight's Heather Love Fest at Saba (where she worked before the accident), Málaga, and Cedar Street. The lineup includes Dan Dyer & friends, Ephraim Owens, Blu Sanders, Govinda, DJ Chicken George, DJ Trey Lopez, the Super Sonic Soul Squad, Bigface, and lots more, plus a raffle and silent auction (hot air balloon rides, facials, massages, etc.). Tickets are $30 at the door, with complementary appetizers. More information on tonight's show and the Heather Haenes Fund is here. Although she has a deep and steadfast support network around her, Heather still faces a lengthy and daunting recovery. Please help her out if you can – she'd do the same for you.

Because we are all Wal-Mart shoppers.

The New York Times has an article today about the behemoth's revised retail strategy following its first major downturn in 2006. And they're getting all psychological on your ass:

"John Fleming, the new chief merchandising officer, and Stephen Quinn, the new chief marketing officer, said that after a year of intense research, the discount giant is seeing its 200 million customers as belonging to three groups.

"There are 'brand aspirationals' (people with low incomes who are obsessed with names like KitchenAid), 'price-sensitive affluents' (wealthier shoppers who love deals), and 'value-price shoppers' (who like low prices and cannot afford much more).

"The new categories are significant because for the first time Wal-Mart thinks it finally understands not just how people shop at its stores, but why they shop the way they do."

Personally, I see myself as mainly "brand aspirational," with a bit of the "price-sensitive affluent" thrown in there, because I'm bourgeois like that. Oh, and I'm shopping at Target.