Up Too Early

Google Streetview fashion critique from West 38th Street

Why is this Starbuck's Vente sitting alone in a field?
Why is this Starbuck's Vente sitting alone in a field?

This is like critiquing a Starbucks Vente and a pair of blue jeans. I can’t even see this guy. That’s how awesome his camo jacket is. He might as well be wearing Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak. To the casual observer he is just a pair of Wal-Mart jeans with a brush pile stacked on top of them.

Here’s what’s disturbing about this dude: Who is he hiding from? Canadian Geese? The Viet Cong? A Terminator?

Relax Rambo, it’s just a Google streetview car – probably being driven by a fresh-faced college kid wearing khaki pants and a blue polo shirt. It was either drive this contraption or clean vomit off the playscape at Chuck e Cheese’s. No contest. Then again, it’s a Google car, so I’m not even sure the kid has to drive it.

Maybe this guy is right. Maybe this really is the robot revolution and he is loading up his 12 gauge so he can go out and waste some Roombas. Those things are scary – especially if you’ve eaten a few mushrooms. They’re like the Mona Lisa’s eyes. They inexplicably follow you around the room. Roombas are ingeniously designed to go after the lazy bastards who won’t even pick up a broom. Why? Because their extra layers of suet are worth more amperage when you jack them into the matrix. This guy isn’t exactly corpulent, but apparently he’s not taking any chances.

Luvdoc Fashion Index: 5 (because I can only see half of him)

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KEYWORDS FOR THIS POST

Camo, Rambo, Viet Cong, Terminator, Chuck e Cheese's, Starbuck's, Wal-Mart, Harry Potter, Invisibility cloak

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