The Luv Doc: THANK YOU, HEARTBREAK!
Also, a tip of the hat to humiliation as well
By The Luv Doc, Fri., Oct. 28, 2022
Dear Luv Doc,
My boyfriend of six years just broke up with me. This is someone who I imagined spending the rest of my life with, starting a family with, etc. I feel like my whole world has imploded around me and am struggling to believe I will ever find love like that again. I am desperately hoping we will be able to reconnect after some time has passed but in the meantime I am trying to come to terms with the fact that I will probably be a spinster (I am in my late 20s). Do you have any words of wisdom in coping with heartbreak?
– Hopelessly Heartbroken
Wisdom? Yeesh. I don't think anyone has called me wise since I was about 10, and I'm pretty sure that even back then they were just yanking my chain. Plus, I thought they were saying I was "wise beyond my ears" until I repeated it to someone beyond my years, who teased me with that phrase for the next several decades.
Humiliation is a highly effective teaching aid, but it doesn't do wonders for your self-esteem. The same could be said of heartbreak. I feel like I've had a decent share of both, and the only gift I am absolutely sure they delivered is a profound sense of humility. That may sound like I'm whining, but it's exactly the opposite. I don't believe you can get a full sense of who you are until the image of who you are has been completely shattered. So THANK YOU, HEARTBREAK! Also, a tip of the hat to humiliation as well. Without them I am absolutely certain I would be even more of an insufferable asshole.
OK, so right after I checked to see if thirstyspinsters.com was an available domain name, I noticed that you mentioned you are "struggling to believe you will ever find love like that again." Let's hope not. I mean, it probably wasn't bad, but that love only lasted six years. I think you should aim a little higher unless serial monogamy is your fetish, and even in that case you should probably try dipping your bucket into a deeper well. There are very likely a whole bunch of available dudes out there who will love you for a lifetime. Don't ask me to do the math. I am an English major. Just know the actual odds are very much on your side – even if you're 29 and nine-tenths years old. Besides, to paraphrase Ricky Bobby, "with advances in medical science, there's no reason to believe you can't make it to age 245, maybe 300." Theoretically you've only lived one-tenth of your life so far, so you should probably familiarize yourself with heartbreak and loss, because there is plenty more coming down the pike. That's a beautiful thing. It means that over the span of your long and wonderful life you will care deeply about many things. Whether it lasts 300 years or a paltry century, that's a life well lived.
There is a chance you might remember this guy on your 200th birthday, but I wouldn't recommend you go out of your way to reconnect with him. If it happens, great, but right now you need to take care of you. Seize this unexpected opportunity to invest in yourself, and if you're not entirely sure who you are in your boyfriend's absence, this is the perfect time to find out. Read, write, watch, learn, experience, and expose yourself open-heartedly to all the things you have been denying yourself over the last six years. Become an even better version of yourself – not for your ex-boyfriend but for you, so you can live your best life, whether it be as a Thirsty Spinster® or a Mormon mother of 14.
Heartbreak can make you feel worthless, but your ex-boyfriend isn't the arbiter of your self-worth, you are. Whatever he thinks about you is just his lone opinion, but what you believe about yourself will determine the quality of the rest of your life. Believe in yourself, invest in your mental and physical health and well-being. Do everything you've always wanted to do. Be the person you've always wanted to be. I am betting that person will be someone somebody can love for more than six years – maybe even 300.
