The Luv Doc: The LuvDoc's SXSW Tip Sheet
I've done this before. Trust me.
By The Luv Doc, Fri., March 15, 2013
The LuvDoc’s SXSW Tip Sheet
1. Wherever you roll, roll strong.
Laminates, badges, wristbands, and stickers are for losers with no game. You think Obama wears a laminate that says “President?” Exactly. Remember: There’s no replacement for confidence … well … OK … unless it’s actual credentials.
2. Never pay for anything ...
Huge companies are spending thousands – sometimes even millions of dollars to hook you on their shit. Don’t get all high and mighty and ask the bartender for straight tequila when they’re giving away shots of “infused tequila” instead. Besides, you probably won’t really taste the marshmallow-Nutella until the next morning anyway.
3. ... Unless it’s service.
Always carry a pimp roll in your pocket to tip the wait staff and servers. It’s classy and you might get invited to their insane afterparty at some shithole dive bar that doesn’t even know the meaning of the word ”infused.”
4. Show enthusiasm.
This is going to sound arrogant – especially to people from L.A. – but for this week at least, Austin is the bullshit capital of the world. Roll with it. Revel in it. Marketing MBAs don’t appreciate your ironic smirk, and being a jaded hipster never gets you access to the VIP section - so how about a reach-around for those fresh looking kids in matching polos? If you want to maintain your integrity, go pound some tall boys behind the Shell station with the dudes from East Cameron Folk Core.
5. Drop names.
You probably don’t know anyone anyway, so what could it hurt? Willie has never kicked anyone off his tour bus without getting them really stoned first and if John Paul DeJoria’s goons beat the shit out of you in an alley behind the Belmont for claiming to be his Mexican cousin … well … with the right attorney you could have luxurious, shimmering, full-bodied hair for life!
6. None of this is real.
SXSW is a spaghetti Western town. In another week this façade will blow over, the piles of bullshit will be swept away, and Austin will settle back down into being “that pretty cool place before all those assholes moved to town.”
7. So take pictures.
Outrageous memories fade, but photographs hold up in court.
