Shocked at ROT! Round Up the Usual Suspects!

A complaint over alleged ribald behavior at the Republic of Texas Biker Rally headquarters last month petered out last week, with the Sheriff's Office announcing it is officially through pursuing this particular tempest in a pony keg.

The controversy began with an anonymous letter and CD delivered to several government offices and media outlets. "I have never in my life seen such a disgraceful sight!" the letter says of tailgating festivities at the Travis County Exposition Center grounds, ROT Rally headquarters during the June 12-15 event. "Women topless ... women and men completely nude, actual intercourse between men and women, sexual acts between men, marijuana being smoked without fear of arrest, minors drinking and guess what – minor children watching this sight up-close and personal." Further enraging the correspondent (who claimed to be a "Travis County taxpayer") were what he (or she) said were sheriff's officers turning a blind eye to the bacchanalia – well, maybe not entirely. As the writer put it, "Don't miss the photo of the Travis County Sheriff Deputies on golf carts watching the action on the STRIPPER POLE!"

Indeed, so distasteful and libidinous were these scenes of moral turpitude, they had to be fully documented by our anonymous correspondent, over the course of more than 300 photos. For the most part, the pictures feature female rally-goers of all shapes, sizes, and ages going cheerfully topless – not a crime. There is also an anatomically correct, blow-up-doll-adorned golf cart, couples posing provocatively, partiers utilizing a "Hooter Meter" – a board with holes of varying sizes to gauge female participants' breast size – and a few smirking dudes in thongs. A few shots are more explicit, including a woman who takes to the aforementioned stripper pole completely nude – documented in great detail by our outraged photographer – and one male with his genitals exposed, simulating sex acts with a female partner.

On the helpless innocent detail, two perhaps teenage boys are photographed, but not alongside any raunchy acts. (Also, given the beads and cameras they're clutching, neither looks too alarmed by the adult delinquency proceeding on somewhere in the neighborhood.) Another photo shows two uniformed Sheriff's Office employees – in theory surveying the scene from a golf cart (blow-up-doll-free, natch) – but likewise doesn't contain any nudity or lewd shenanigans, thereby constituting evidence of ... two Sheriff's Office employees in a golf cart, somewhere. (We presume they were in compliance with all Expo Center traffic ordinances.)

The most shocking revelation among these prurient photos is that someone could be shocked that such behavior might occur – at a biker rally, of all places. It's akin to being alarmed by a certain dense odor at Eeyore's Birthday Party, or intoxication at a Sixth Street shot bar. Apparently the Sheriff's Office agrees. "There is no plan to investigate any further," said Travis County Sheriff's Office Public Information Officer Roger Wade.