2 Girls 8 Cups

The Goodetime Gals take our gross ingredient cocktail challenge to drink the unthinkable

Be sure to check out the full story of the Goodetime Gals and our gross ingredient cocktail challenge on our Photo Galleries page, and look for recipes and more Drink Drank Drunk fun at austinchronicle.com/drink-drank-drunk.

Thanks, cocktail culture. Thanks for nothing. You've ruined us. Really. Your Austin invasion has forced our tastebuds to accept nothing less than the most succulent, fresh citrus, the best muddled mint, the snazziest, not-so-simple syrups. Accepting drinks straight from the gun earns a lot of side-eye in this town.

Take this as our opening salvo. We're on to you. Sure, you have us in your shakers with the finest ingredients on Earth, but how would you handle Pepto Bismol? Or gefilte fish? Or Pedialyte?

We made a list of the most easily accessible and – let's not beat around the bush – grossest foodstuffs and threw down a formal challenge to see if some local mixologists could turn our unthinkable shit into drinkable shinola.

Our task was to find bartenders not only game, but secure enough in their personailities, craft, and sexuality to take on a reputation-threatening challenge such as ours. And you know us. We play dirty. We hold no bars.

Okay, we did draw the line at toxic, dead, recently slaughtered, bodily fluids, and anything with contraindications. We also wished to steer clear of cultural insensitivity (but can't help how funny it is just to say the words "gefilte fish").

We called the Goodetime Gals, Cameron Cooper and Lindsey Reynolds, a popular tippling team who hire out and create craft cocktails for parties and events. How brave the young lady who can concoct a potion that contains not only beef gravy and a Gerber chicken stick, but also a healthy glop of lard? Ahh, but we don't want to give too much away.

Fifteen secret ingredients. Seven rounds. Five minutes each. We brought an audio/visual crew and a few tasters and spent an entire Friday evening hosting our own twisted version of Chopped: the Pukey Cocktail Edition, complete with secret ingredient basket.

The full results and a lovely photo gallery by John Leach are here. We're also posting some of their recipes on our blog. Keep your swizzle sticks sharpened for that. In the meanwhile, enjoy these highlights.

Our fearless competitors survived the night and lived to see another day. Considering the disgusting hurdles we laid out, the Goodetime Gals performed with aplomb, like squiffy champs. We asked if they had any revelations as a result of the challenge. "I'm going to say meat is going to start working its way into drinks," insists Cameron. "Whether we like it or not."

Any resemblance to actual imbibible cocktails is purely coincidental.

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