What I’m saying is why waste your time eating Brussels sprouts when every time you eat Brussels sprouts you’re miserable, and meanwhile there’s a great huge, heaping dish of chocolate over here, just begging to be eaten? (The answer, of course, is that for some reason you’ve agreed to a week-long cyber-argument about the relative merits of Brussels sprouts and there’s no turning back now and it’s your duty to convince anyone reading at home that, not only are Brussels sprouts painful to eat, they are – contrary to everything you may have been told by doctors and nutritionists and parents – actually quite bad for you. Possibly even poisonous. Deadly even. And so Brussels-sprout eating must go on.)

So... suspense. You thought I was trying to dodge that bullet, huh? First of all, curious that THE GUY WHO HATES HITCHCOCK is so hung up on suspense, or rather, his perceived lack of suspense in comic book movies. True, in a lot of these movies – especially the ones you know are destined for endless franchising – there is the assumption that our main guy isn't going to croak. But is that all that suspense boils down to? What about the suspense in how – or if (not always a given) – he'll win the girl (probably not), alienate all his friends, save the girl, or the kitten, or the subway car full of people, and take down the big baddie. There are a lot variables there, and I think, especially with the increasingly dark bent contemporary comic book movies are taking (in, yes, an increasingly bleak American landscape), that c.b. movies are willing to go to some surprising places. Case in point.... Spoilertastic, after the break:

"I know you said that the X-Men movies constitute 'art,' but would you really put them in the ring with All the Real Girls or Rushmore or – God help us! – The Philadelphia Story?" Well, you just named three of my all-time favorite movies (way to exploit my weaknesses!). Have I met a comic-book movie yet that upends me as utterly as any one of those films? No. But neither has 99.9% of every other movie of every other genre I've ever seen. That said, those three movies are apples and oranges in my mind. They each appeal to me in very different ways. But do I think comic book movies ably mine elements from other genres – the weighty drama, screwball comedy, desperate love triangle, Greek tragedy, etc.? Hell yeah. (Spoilers ahead...)

Austinite, punk rocker, and professional house flipper Neil Curran makes his way to the small screen when he and the property he is flipping appear on TLC's Flip That House: Diary of a Flip. Curran is not only a subject, he's the centerpiece of the very special, hour-long Flip That House episode. Sour economy? Shaking housing market? Who cares about all that when you can "get the inside story of Neil's life and his flip as he struggles to find his way, both professionally and personally, during challenging economic times."

Catch Curran on the <Flip That House special July 19 on the TLC. Check local listings for times.

I'm gonna run with the Brussels sprouts-as-comic-book-movie metaphor. As I understand it, you're saying that while you have never had a good Brussels sprout before, you believe in the potential of a great Brussels sprout... provided that the aforementioned Brussels sprout actually tastes like a sweet delicious chocolate bar.*** I've got a lot more to say about your various arguments... but first I need to, you know, do my real job for a couple of hours. ***By the way, our mutual pal from News, Nora Ankrum, was the one who clued me into your chocolate fiend-dom. Which is to say – I can and will use your friends against you.

3:30am Now we’re getting somewhere. Pleasantries dispensed with, Queensbury Rules tossed out the window, gloves off. First of all, there’s no circularity to an argument condemning comic-book movies for embracing their comic-book elements when one is arguing that comic-book movies aren’t any good. That’s like saying I can’t hate Brussels sprouts because they taste like Brussels sprouts, when, if they just tasted a little less like Brussels sprouts, I might actually like them. (By the way, I had no idea until this moment that “Brussels sprouts” was spelled with an “s” at the end of “Brussels.” Never put that together.) In fact, the very point I’m trying to make is that I don’t like comic-book movies because they’re so damn comic book-y – cartoonish, fantastical, over-the-top, free of the demands of internal consistency and, most importantly, suspense - which is the exact reason you like them. As you say, “There’s a visceral thrill to watching things go boom, and comic book movies allow us to indulge that desire while placing the action in an alternate universe … And no matter what, THEY ARE GOING TO SAVE THE DAY.”

Throwing your words back atcha: “And that formula is so sound, so secure, so firm and fixed in our culture that moviemakers need only touch on those bedrocks briefly and perfunctorily before we give them clearance to throw story, emotion, and plausibility out the window in a wild rush of specially effect action sequences that should – let’s be honest – require no justification … because they are, really, the thing people paid to see, no matter how much they protest that it’s story they’re looking for.” I actually totally disagree with you – that the only reason people go see comic book movies is to see shit blow up (or, even more bizarrely, to fetishize all the gadgets and gizmos). That said, I’ll indulge your line of argument. (Did that sound as assified as I think it did?)

Well. I’ve just reread your (monster-size) post, and – if you’ll forgive me the annoying workshoppy word – you’ve given me a lot to unpack here. I want to touch on two points before I call it a night. You say that you don’t doubt that superhero movies could be great but that “they haven’t been yet.” Are you sure you really believe that? It’s awfully early to take such a conciliatory tone. So for, er, textual evidence, you point to the first half of Batman Begins, saying that you dug it for the first half, but that it fell apart for you when the Scarecrow showed up. Um, you mean the part where it actually feels like a comic book?? Because as far as I remember, the first half of Batman Begins (the origin story, the study under Ra's Al Ghul) plays first as a drama, then a tragedy, and finally as warrior training camp starring Christian Bale as young grasshopper. In short, the first half isn’t fantastical or implausible (implausible, at least, according to the rules of our real-life, sans-superhero mortal plane). So what you're saying is, that particular comic book movie failed once it fully embraced its comic book elements. Because it embraced its comic book elements. And for his next trick, watch Josh chase his own tail! Point two coming up shortly…

Welcome to the day, Josh. It''s nice to hear from you... although I think this whole late-sleeper thing might just be a ruse for some dirty-rat strategizing -- meaning, you've come out swinging just as I've hit the late-afternoon "all-I-want-to-do-is-find-a-mat-and-take-a-nap" stretch of the day. Which is all my long-winded way of saying: Yeah, my rebuttal's going to have to wait until I've had dinner... and a long walk with the dog... and maybe a cocktail to clear the head... In the meantime, I thought I'd point out that the Chicago Tribune's Red Eye supplement is running a Greatest Superhero Tourney, along with a whole host of other superhero-related shenanigans, like a photo gallery of superhero-inspired fashions. (link via Pop Candy) And finally, in a spot of administrative business, the voting apparatus should be up and running now to your right, dear reader. You can vote whenever you like for which one of us you think is "winning" -- just remember, you can only vote once a day, so use that vote wisely.