Man UP, Dockers

"Once upon a time, men wore the pants, and wore them well… " So begins the latest ad campaign put out by the good misogynist folks at Dockers. The message seems to be that it's time to put Dockers on and behave like real men, instead of disco dancin', non-fat latte sippin', salad eatin' sissies. Homo/queer/trans/metro/David Bowie men, take heed.

Distressing here is the fact that some ad team thought this campaign would draw customers during the crucial holiday season. Makes me vom-vom to think it might actually work. Ugh…

These adverts are disturbing on many levels. There's the blatant gynophobia and the stress placed on normative expressions of masculinity. "Girly" men are not only responsible for the death of masculinity (boofuckinghoo), but also (I shit you not) unruly children and desolate urban infrastructures. Yeah, it's our fault.

Even worse is the implication that such people are "between boyhood and androgyny." Infantilizing alternative expressions of masculinity is not clever, cool, or an awesome marketing strategy. This is on par with the ubiquitous guy-on-guy punchlines seen in straight comedies. Everyone laughs… Oh, except the queers. Why don't they just get a sense of humor? It's a joke! A JOKE!

We could go to a dark place here and talk about how normative masculinities are part of a system that fuels gendered and queer violence. Somehow I don't think Dockers' ad team would green light "Dockers: Rape Pants!" or "Dockers: Queer Blood Comes Right Out!" C'mon. It's a Joke.

Too much? Not fair? Hardly. Why do queer people get beat? It's because someone finds their very presence threatening. Lest we forget the assault and death of James Lee Whitehead… The Dockers "Manifesto" participates in such violence as it condones the reasoning behind the beating.

Dockers seems to think that normative masculinity is under duress. But this is similar to those fanatics who believe the secular nation is taking Christmas away from them. It's just so much smoke in the air, unconnected to the reality of our lives. Masculinity is safe and so is Christmas. You're still winning. Happy Hannukah.

I hope those Dockers have extra room in the crotch, dicks.