Homoween, Day 5: The Coke Machine

Necessity is the mother of invention. Today's Homoween costume comes to you direct from Japan, by way of the gadget website, Gizmodo.com.

The Gay Place presents your ready-made costume:

The Amazing! Anti-assault! Dress! that Transforms! into a Coke Machine!!!

Why is this outfit at once ingenious and doomed to fail?

Let's set the scene: You're a queer alone in the big city. Suddenly out of nowhere, an incredibly insensitive and virulently homophobic potential assaulter comes out of the shadows. You run - and in running you discover a small alley. The would-be assaulter is on your trail, you have precious little time. And so you do the only thing you can think of: You take that fashionable red skirt you're wearing and unfold it as a last ditch effort to camoflauge yourself - as a coke machine! The assailant turns down the alleyway and is close, in fact, he's stopped right in front of where you stand. You hear a clanging of change against the concrete followed by a couple of vicious pokes… Uh oh! (If you choose to stand still and keep pretending to be the inanimate object you are not, turn to page 175. If you decide to poke back, turn to page 56.)