The Luv Doc

Illustration by Dan Hardick

Dear Luv Doc,

I've been hooking up with the same guy for several months now. Sometimes when we get together he turns on the camera on his computer so he can watch us fucking in real time. He has also taken pictures and videos with his phone. I'm okay with it all, but I have to wonder: Are we so addicted to the screen that we cannot enjoy sex IRL?

– HeyBuddyI'mRightHere

Pics or it didn't happen, right? Maybe sex with you is as important an occasion in this fellow's life as a trip to the Grand Canyon, graduation, or last Friday when he ordered that really delicious-looking Bloomin' Onion at Outback Steakhouse. Great memories are meant to be treasured. You can't fault him for that. Well, actually you can, if he turns them into revenge porn after you break up with him. Good news, however: Texas' revenge-porn law just went into effect September 1, so you've got that working for you.

He might also be a consummate perfectionist like Vince Lombardi or Tom Landry ... staying up all night studying game footage, trying to identify areas for improvement. You really have to appreciate that kind of commitment. Perhaps you have even noticed a steady development in his sexual prowess from month to month. Who knows? In 20 or so years he could be the Peyton Manning of pitching – and I mean that in a non-sporty way.

There is also the possibility that he is a bit of a narcissist. Yes, he is watching you, but he is also watching himself. That should probably send a little shiver down your spine. Why? Because if he is only interested in watching you, you are (as your pseudonym seems to acknowledge) right there. If he wants a different angle, all he has to do is ask you to turn over ... or get on top ... or put your leg behind your head ... or any number of Kama Sutra-esque variations that might look great on film but are equally spectacular IRL.

However, regardless of his motivations for capturing your sexcapades on film, the real issue you seem to be concerned with is his inability to be present, fully conscious, and living in the moment – you know, all that yoga shit the instructor likes to yammer about at length while you're trying to hold a downward dog. That infuriatingly simple concept of focus is important off the mat as well.

Technology has certainly increased our tendency towards distraction. In fact, I am typing this while getting a foot massage, eating wasabi peas, and listening to Shakey Graves – any of which should be perfectly adequate to hold the entirety of my attention, but I like to labor under the illusion that I am taking it all in fully. I am wrong. There is a beautiful infinity in a single moment if you can just settle the fuck down and look for it, but that takes a conscious effort and a realization that seeking it is something worthwhile.