The Luv Doc: Getting Stoned and Doing Crochet Graffitti

Hi Doc,
I recently moved to be near my sweetheart. I gave up a lot of security to do this. We became engaged(???) shortly before. Now I feel like it was just to get me to make the move. We don't even discuss marriage or our plans for the future now. I'm homesick and feel terribly lonely. I'm used to being single; they have been married before. I could really stay single if this is what marriage has to bring. Am I being a baby, or what? I don't want to push the issue, since now I'm unsure that we are compatible.
Please help,
Lazyluvbug

Lazy, being a bit of an abuser of convention myself, I don’t like to throw stones when it comes to grammar, but there’s one little hitch in your question that makes you sound like a bit of a nutter: “They have been married before?” What’s up with that? Did you type your question on an iPhone … or … God forbid … a Kindle Fire? Using the touch screen on a Kindle Fire is more frustrating than trying to write War and Peace on an Etch A Sketch. Yeah, I know. Anyway, I have to ask … rhetorically at least: How many people are you engaged to marry? I’ll be the first to admit I’m not even prepared to address a group marriage situation. Traditional marriage is a brutal gauntlet all by itself, I can’t even imagine the sheer hell it would be to throw a few more emotionally dependent, marginally insane people into the mix, although I have a feeling it would look something like a cross between Caligula and The Human Centipede. Therefore, in order to maintain the illusion that Chronicle readers are relatively sane, normal people who just happen to smoke a lot of pot and geek out on things like vintage comic books and crochet graffiti, I will assume you are engaged to a “he”, “she”, or “it” rather than a “they.” Let me answer your question singularly: Unless you’re a Russian mail-order bride (and I’m not saying you’re not) you need to move out. You need to remind yourself that engaged, married, or single, you alone are responsible for your happiness. Your sweetheart likes it here and thought you might too. Maybe you’re not into getting stoned and doing crochet graffiti. If not, just say so. You didn’t sign a ketubah, you just said “yes” when you should have said “maybe.” It’s OK to be wrong in life as long as you’re willing to admit it and maybe learn from it. You know … Bill Clinton vs. George W. Bush - you get the idea. The important thing is to figure out exactly what you want and to communicate it to your sweetheart. It’s a bitch, but well worth the effort.