The Luv Doc: Stop Talking About Your Workout. Forever.

Dear Luv Doc,
I am still following through on my New Year’s resolution to lose weight (23 pounds so far) but I am still having trouble losing weight in my midsection. Can you recommend any exercises that might help me burn fat in that area?
- Luv Handles

Twenty-three pounds is quite impressive. You may not have lost your spare tire yet, but you’ve already lost a Goodyear RoadHandler's worth of body weight. Great job! To answer your question, however, the best exercise for someone in your situation is the exercise of self-control. It’s a highly intensive exercise, and it involves a lot of reps. First of all, you’re going to have to exercise self-control about what you eat. To actually get definition in your abs, you’ll probably need to knock your body-fat percentage down to less than 10%. That’s going to take a lot of time and energy that could be expended on a more worthwhile endeavor, but if self-improvement is going to be your contribution to mankind, you might as well walk the walk. You know the drill: energy expended > energy ingested. Exercise/diet, diet/exercise. Yawn. The most important self-control exercise, however, is to stop talking about your workout. Forever. Exercise – at least the narcissistic/selfish pursuit of a better-looking, healthier body - is never interesting to other people. Ever. If it seems like someone is paying rapt attention to your tedious recitation of reps and sets, they’re probably just waiting for you to stop talking so they can ask if you want to go back to their place and bone because you have a hot bod. No, a great body doesn’t make you interesting, it just makes your dullness slightly more tolerable. Incredible as it may sound, it is possible to be physically fit without working out. You can play sports, or if you hated gym class, do “activities” like LARPing, birding, grown-up hide-and-seek, or break dancing. These are things you generally do with other people and then afterward you have a few beers or a huge plate of enchiladas that totally cancel out any health benefits you might have accrued engaging in them. Exercise, on the other hand, is a solitary, shameful, and selfish activity – much like masturbation. As good as it might make you feel, nobody wants to hear you yammer about masturbating for the very same reason they don’t want to hear about your workouts: They’re all pretty much the same. It’s just a matter of how many reps it takes to get the job done.