The Hightower Report

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ALL HAIL KING GEORGE

Well, gosh, says George W., I can declare parts of the Bill of Rights null and void if I want to because I'm the commander-in-chief, don't you know, and that gives me all the authority I need.

Well, gosh-right-back-at-you, George – you're merely a president, not a monarch, and even presidents are not above the law, much less above the Constitution.

At issue is Bush's convoluted claim that he has a perfect right to unleash his national security agency on a secret mission to spy on American citizens. Even though a president can readily get a court order for such surveillance, King George has proclaimed that he don't need no stinking court order: "Do I have the legal authority to do this?" asked the petulant president when confronted. "The answer is, absolutely." He said he'd been told it was OK by his crack legal team of Alberto "See No Evil" Gonzales and Harriet "I Adore You" Miers.

Besides, snapped Bush, those congressional Democrats now carping about his secret domestic surveillance scheme had been fully briefed and had okayed it. But wait, your highness, when lawmakers approved the use of "all necessary and appropriate force" to punish those responsible for 9/11, they were told it was to invade Afghanistan and smoke out Osama bin Laden – not to invade the privacy of U.S. citizens.

Indeed, Tom Daschle, then the senate's Democratic leader, says that the senate specifically rejected Bush's request after 9/11 to let NSA have such war-making powers inside the U.S. Also, of the handful of Democrats on the intelligence committee who later got the briefing that Bush now refers to, all say the information was so restricted that they were unable to evaluate – much less endorse – what he was proposing.

George W. is confused on a basic concept. He's commander-in-chief of the military, not of the United States – and even the top military chief is not allowed to suspend our Bill of Rights.

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THE CONGRESSIONAL KING OF QUID PRO QUO

Tom DeLay is giving sleaze a bad name.

In addition to his two indictments for money-laundering, his five formal reprimands from the House ethics committee, and his numerous entanglements in the low-life (but high-priced) lobbying scandals of Jack Abramoff, the deposed Republican leader of Congress has also been butt-deep in the Washington swamp of quid pro quo-ism – which is Latin for "you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours." The backs that DeLay chooses to scratch are those of the corporate powers, which funnel campaign funds to him in exchange for receiving legislative favors.

For example, Tom's a traveling man ... and he likes to travel in style. His political jaunts have taken him to such luxury digs as the Ritz-Carlton in Jamaica, the Prince Hotel in Hawaii, and the El Conquistador Resort in Puerto Rico. On such trips, he has spent $290,000 on golf outings, $390,000 on lavish meals, and – get this – $1,930 on cigars, all funded by monied interests wanting his help in Congress. To get to these exotic destinations, DeLay has taken at least 100 flights on corporate jets – including those of US Tobacco, R.J. Reynolds, and Philip Morris. Now, guess who has been the No. 1 Congress critter protecting the tobacco giants from regulation by the FDA? Right.

You don't even have to be a U.S. corporation to play quid pro quo with Tom. One of his political fronts, for example, took a million bucks from two Russian oil executives to win DeLay's opposition to a bill that would've raised their taxes. Tom's group also took half-a-million bucks from Asian textile companies to win his opposition to wage laws affecting them.

A DeLay spokesman says that it's "absurd" to suggest that such donations affect Tom's legislative actions. No, what's absurd is that this sleazeball is still in Congress ... instead of jail.