War on Drugs Gets Even Stupider

Dear Editor,
   Just when you thought the War on Some Drugs couldn't get any stupider, they come up with something new. Now the Dallas ISD is using scanners to find trace elements of drugs in schools. That is, they are looking for traces that are so small that you couldn't see them with the naked eye, and certainly couldn't use them.
    It is a classic case of an organized group that can't find its own butt with both hands and an unlimited budget. If these eminent school officials will reach around to their back pockets and grab their own wallets, they will find traces of drugs on their own rear ends. Tests have shown that about 80% of U.S. currency contains detectable amounts of illegal drugs. Every wallet in America is contaminated.
    So they find traces of illegal drugs in the schools. Then what? How can they be sure it didn't come from the school board members themselves? Does the school actually have trace concentrations that are greater than those you would find on the school board's collective butts? The citizens should know.
    I would say that it couldn't get any dumber than this, but they will probably come up with something new next week. Maybe they will arrest all the members of the school board when they find drug traces on them.