Year of Sparkle and Desi Cration

The Texas Rollergirls can't start the 2009 season (coming to a flat track near you on March 1) without really finishing off the 2008 season. That could only mean the annual Whammy Awards, held last night at Mohawk.

Because nothing says season's end like cake (Photo by Richard Whittaker)

The awards were a mixture of league votes, fan votes, and special prizes. (As Lucille Brawl, recipient of the Texecutioners' Captain's Choice, put it, "Democracy is great: It got us Obama in the White House. But even better is having friends in high places.") Desi Cration, who scooped up six Whammies, was one of the big winners of the night, as were Rice Rocket (five), Electra Blu (three), RadioActive, Lucille, and rookie of the year, Yellow Dye No. 5 (two a piece).

But the biggest plaudits went to the retiring Sparkle Plenty. She walked away in her final season with a whopping eight awards, including league MVP, fan favorite, Miss Texas Rollergirl, and the all-important best take-down/fight for her memorable "take 'em all on" moment last season with what seemed to be the entirety of the Hotrod Honeys' bench.

Full results below:

Sparkle Plenty, the 2008 Miss Texas Rollergirl (Photo by Richard Whittaker)

League Awards

Miss Texas Rollergirl: Sparkle Plenty
Jammer: Rice Rocket
Pivot: Sparkle Plenty
Blocker: Desi Cration
MVP: Sparkle Plenty
Best Rookie: Yellow Dye No. 5
Most Improved: Morphine
Most Feared: Desi Cration
Best Coach: Punk Rock Phil
Best Dressed: Bullet Tooth Tracy
Best Take-Out/Fight: Sparkle Plenty vs. Hotrod Honeys
No. 1 Fan: Big Tom
Pretty Pretty Princess: Radio Active
Best Assets: Yellow Dye No. 5
Best Legs: Cat Tastrophe
Most Like Her Name: Flame'n'Rage
Life of the Party: The Hustlers

Team Awards

Texecutioners
Jammer: Rice Rocket
Pivot: Bullet Tooth Tracy
Blocker: Desi Cration
MVP: Rice Rocket
MVS (Most Valued Spirit): Morphine
Captain's Choice: Lucille Brawl

Honky Tonk Heartbreakers' Most Valued Spirit winner Belle Starr and friend win the award for most painful pun (coming as Lenin and Mao to a "then and now" themed party.) (Photo by Richard Whittaker)

Honky Tonk Heartbreakers
Jammer: Olivia Shootin' John
Pivot: Friction VixXxen
Blocker: Desi Cration
MVP: Desi Cration
MVS: Belle Starr
Captain's Choice: Seek Andistroy

Hotrod Honeys
Jammer: Rice Rocket
Pivot: Cat Tastrophe
Blocker: Vicious van GoGo
MVP: Rice Rocket
MVS: RadioActive
Captain's Choice: Lucille Brawl
MVS (Nonskater): Spitfire

Hustler's co-captain Cheap Trixie and DJ El Jefe (Photo by Richard Whittaker)

Hustlers
Jammer: Barbarella
Pivot: Bullet Tooth Tracy
Blocker: Curvette
MVP: Electra Blu
MVS: Electra Blu
Captain's Choice: Electra Blu

Hell Mary's
Jammer: Bloody Mary
Pivot: Sparkle Plenty
Blocker: Sparkle Plenty
MVP: Sparkle Plenty
MVS: Muffin Tumble
Captain's Choice: Slaughtermelon

Barbarella and wig (aka DJ Grommit) (Photo by Richard Whittaker)

Fan Categories

Favorite Texas Rollergirl: Sparkle Plenty
Most Ruthless: Desi Cration
Hottest of the Hot: Curvette
Band: Foot Patrol
DJ: DJ Grommit & Sedonya Face
Announcer: Jim "Kool Aid" Jones