Hell Marys Nearly Home

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Hell Marys speed to the championship (maybe) (Photo by Richard Whittaker)

The Hotrod Honeys are already through to the Texas Rollergirls' championship. Everyone knew that going into last night's flat-track derby bout. But if the Hell Marys could pull off a victory over the newly energized Hustlers, they most likely join the Honeys in the title bout. Lose, and that slot went straight to the Honky Tonk Heartbreakers. Meanwhile, the Honeys got to play friendly, but definitely dominating, host to the Big Easy Rollergirls.

The Hustlers looked at their best all season, tight and fast: But the Marys were simply better, cruising to a dominating 102-21 victory. The Hustlers were hurt quickly when Lady Stardust put herself in the penalty box twice in the first four bouts, letting the Marys put together a 22-point advantage that the purple-and-silver never came close to touching. Holding lead jammer status 16 out of 26 jams, they seemed unstoppable. Most imposing in plaid was Lady X, who has gone from determined blocker to powerhouse jammer, and looks a solid contender for MVP. The Hustlers, closing the season out 0-3, can take solace that with the athletic Das-It jamming and co-captain Cheap Trixie in the pack there's a lot to build upon.

So the Marys are one step closer to the championship, but it's not a closed door for the Heartbreakers. If the cowgirls on wheels can take down the Honeys in their July 6 bout, and if they get a big enough points differential, they can still squeeze through. That's a lot of "ifs," but that's what will make it a high-stakes bout.

There was less on the line for the interleague bout between the Honeys and New Orleans' skaters in gold and white, the Big Easy Rollergirls. The night before, the Honeys' quiet superstar Rice Rocket was training with some of the BERG, even teaching them how to do the trademark Human Hotrod (she even took the time to teach your reporter how not to fall over on skates, for which she must be praised for her patience). The No. 37-ranked Louisiana team was hoping to beat the spread against the home-town crew: and there was at least some bon homie when the Honeys abandoned their normal exuberant entrance in favor of a black-veiled jazz funeral walk-out on to the track. Then, in good nature, they buried the BERG, 176-60.

It probably didn't help that Rice Rocket effortlessly put on 20 points in the first jam. That seemed to do exactly what BERG had feared beforehand: throw them off their mental game. The Honeys then put on a clinic, showing the touring team why they are this year's TXRG team to beat, putting on points in just about every jam and sending a clear message to whoever makes it through to the championship bout.

But in the second period, the ladies from the Bayou found their mojo, skating more cohesively, calling jams more effectively, and at least holding the home team down. Plus two of NoLa's finest managed what few in TXRG can manage: get lead jammer status over Rice Rocket. The retiring Squirtalicious did it on strategy, but Trixie la Femme managed it on pure speed, and proved that even the smallest of jammers can control the game with good calls and fast wheels. When BERG's long-limbed jammer Coalminer's Slaughter and pugnacious blocker F.N. Trouble are off the injured list next season, they could be upping that ranking pretty fast.