News Ticker: September 26

Wendy Davis sinks ships, Leticia Van de Putte throws some shade, and Greg Abbott declares war. Opposition is on the News Ticker.

• According to the AP, Politico, and your Aunt Sally who sometimes shops at Neiman's, Sen. Wendy Davis is definitely running for governor.

• Apparently U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz keeps a giant portrait of himself "getting [his] rear end whipped 9-0" in his office. You just wouldn't think that kind of sexual proclivity would play with the religious right.

• In a press call yesterday, Sen. Leticia Van de Putte called Cruz a "Wendy Wannabe." That does go a long way in explaining why he has recently been sporting a blonde wig. They're not going to like him on RuPaul's Drag Race at all.

• That's not to say that Teddy Bear doesn't have any admirers. SD10 candidate Konni Burton wants everyone to know that she is connected to Ted. Like way connected. She even had a "Texans for Ted" sign in her lawn. They are practically soul mates.

• If a tree falls in the forest, does Atty. Gen. Greg Abbott sue the federal government?

• Maybe he should think of the children? They are already experimenting with gateway drugs.

• A new Texas A&M Transportation Institute study says that teen drivers are more likely to have one or more passengers with them during fatality crashes. We're just so proud that they are carpooling.

• We're sorry to be so late in telling you that today is deficit day. The piñatas are probably all sold out by now.

It's #DeficitDay. For the rest 2013, the government will borrow each dollar it spends. Time to restore fiscal sanity. http://t.co/zv1bGEpdVw

— Kenny Marchant (@RepKenMarchant) September 25, 2013

• The Statesman might have waited for the dust to settle before sending out the below tweet advertising the controversial Austin Aquarium. They've already had to correct it to "Sea to Believe over 2500 species!"

Sea to Believe over 3,000 species! Austin Aquarium opens soon! Get 50% annual passes now! http://t.co/nlbV1a5Idm #ad

— Austin Statesman (@statesman) September 26, 2013

• Boy howdy, the Young Conservatives of Texas sure are edgy! If a frozen crescent roll somehow mated with a Thomas Kinkade painting and produced a demonic baby made of marshmallow fluff, that pillowy-soft Moloch would still be less edgy than the YCT.

• After an earlier visit this year from sister city Adelaide, Australia and today's visit from sister city Saltillo, Mexico, we are beginning to think that Austin may be a polygamist.