News Ticker: May 14

Stop, collaborate and listen, Karl is back with a brand new invention

Karl Rove tries to get smart, Steve Stockman deals with the facts of life, and Willie Nelson helps some perfect strangers. Face time is on the News Ticker.

• Everyone is so outraged about the various Obama administration scandals that they can hardly pen lengthy editorials or cash appearance fee paychecks. Journalistic golden calf Carl Bernstein called the Justice Department's secret tracking of Associated Press phone calls "inexcusable."

• Meanwhile, controversial gangsta rapper Karl Rove thinks that Obama is not getting enough heat for the IRS scandal. What if the Bush administration had inappropriately targeted the opposition? Thank Valerie Plame we'll never know.

• In case you do not know the proper response to IRS dirty linen, Northeast Tarrant Tea Party President Julie McCarty has a helpful suggestion. "“Everybody, every single American ought to be freaking out.” Good thing we've already stocked up on ice pops.

• For the left-leaning, there's plenty of outrage left to make a nice spring salad. In response to the Kermit Gosnell verdict, Rep. Steve Stockman ladled on the vinegar by claiming "Democrats worship abortion with same fervor the Canaanites worshipped Molech."

• Next stop on the indignity express? The American Civil Liberties Union filed a Freedom of Information Act request to get information on warrantless FBI email skulking. In response, the Justice Department sent them 14 pages of completely redacted text. We'll admit that one was a bit dickish.

• Want hours of post lunch diversion? The map of Austin restaurant inspection scores will have you obsessed about what was really in that sandwich.

• Things could be much worse, however. In West Texas, water is the refreshment that gives pause.

• We bet now you're feeling guilty for all the snark you wrote on the city's "what does 'Austin food' mean to you" page.

• Here's the news by the numbers. $203 million is the amount Texas is getting for restoration of areas damaged by the Deepwater Horizon oil spill.

• $120 thousand is the amount that Willie Nelson donated to victims of the West explosion.

• And zero is the amount of respect we give Daily Beast writer Michelle Cottle for calling Ted Cruz a "twangy Texan with that shit-kicking, boot-wearing thing going on." Barf.