The U.S. Open and that Grey Goose Honey Deuce

I learned most of what I know about tennis from reading David Foster Wallace’s Infinite Jest. Which also means that I learned more than anybody needs to know about tennis – at least concerning the obsessive-level minutiae of the sport – and moreso because I subsequently wolfed down DFW’s essay-length panegyric to genius racket man Roger Federer.

So I know that the U.S. Open, currently moving toward the finals, is one hell of a big deal. And that tennis aficionados across the globe watch it like … like … well, like tennis-loving hawks, is how they watch it. Avidly. Intensely. And, eventually, the minutes passing and the scores racking up, the matches unraveling and the champions advancing, the sweat accumulating on players and viewers alike – eventually watching it with a deep, deep thirst.

Which is why Grey Goose vodka – you know that brand, right? – is pleased to provide the signature cocktail of the 2020 U.S. Open: The Grey Goose Honey Deuce.

Now, your current reporter isn’t so big on vodka, and I’m not going to be extolling Grey Goose above any others here, because, tbh, my ignorant palate can’t really grok the difference among brands, okay?

But that Goose is certainly acclaimed among vodka drinkers, and you likely already know that, especially on a personal level, better than I.

What I can get totally behind, and what I definitely like to toss down my parched gullet, is a vodka cocktail that also features lemonade and, oh my, Chambord black raspberry liqueur. And that’s what this so-called Honey Deuce is built from, and – hot damn, the thing is 1) tasty and 2) extremely refreshing.

[Note: The cocktail also has a couple of honeydew melon balls floating in it, because, the idea is, they resemble tennis balls – albeit oddly glabrous tennis balls – and that’s, ah, cute but ultimately unnecessary.]

Normally, you'd be able to buy these cocktails inside the stadium at the USTA Billie Jean King National Tennis Center in Queens, New York, where the U.S. Open is wrapping up on Sunday, Sept. 13. And the drinks would arrive in a stylish commemorative tumbler that’s got all the past U.S. Open champions listed along the sides. And that’d be a bonus, a clever vessel like that, and drinking out of it might even cause the already-delicious Grey Goose Honey Deuce to taste, psychosomatically, even better. You know?

But what about 2020 is normal, right? So this whole cocktail-and-tumbler deal isn't even available in the stadium in Queens this year, due to necessary coronavirus-thwarting manoeuvers. And it's not like you were gonna drive all the way to the Empire State to get one, anyway, and so now everybody is kind of screwed.

Which is sad AF, right?

No! Because Texas’ own Sourced Craft Cocktails is ready to provide local tennis fans with Honey Deuce Cocktails Kits of their own, right here in our riverside city. And the kits come with a bottle of Grey Goose and a bottle of Chambord and a bottle of fresh-squeezed lemonade and a jar of melon balls and some metal olive picks to skewer those balls with … and a set of those commemorative tumblers to drink the cocktails from.

Yes, citizen of Austin, these cocktail kits are being delivered, so you can enjoy the excellent vodka-based sports-watching tipple without having to haul your pandemic-wearied carcass farther away than your own front door. Huzzah! Huzzah!

(That’s a legit tennis-watching cheer, right? Huzzah? I can’t quite recall, but I’d swear it was mentioned in a sub-note commentary appended to one of the main endnotes to one of the chapters of Infinite Jest. Something that Ortho "The Darkness" Stice said, maybe?)

Note: These convenient Honey Deuce kits come in three sizes, so’s to accommodate your personal capacity or the number of guests you’ll be watching the action with, and you can order them right here.