The Hightower Report

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FLAG HUCKSTERS

The flag sells. I'm not talking about sales of the Red-White-and-Blue itself, but the use of our Star-Spangled Banner to sell everything from cars to toilet paper. Slap a picture of Old Glory on it, and I'll bet some people would buy frozen vials of mad-cow disease.

These days, the hawking of products in the guise of patriotism has become especially popular ... and shameless. Consumer Reports magazine has discovered one such commercial come-on that would gag the most devout flag waver.

It's an e-mail offer that featured a photo of George W. and a banner headline asking accusingly, "Do You Support President Bush?" It then made this urgent demand: "With the war overseas and constant threats of terrorism here on our shores, now is the time for Americans like you to make your voices heard." To reel in the sucker, the e-mail promotion offered a free "God Bless America" T-shirt (complete with a rippling American flag on its front) if the recipient would only click on and respond to a "National Security Survey."

But -- surprise! -- the survey asked nothing about national security. Instead, it asked: "Do you want service from Sprint?" It also asked nine other commercial questions, including, "Want to earn 10K per month working from home?" and "Need cash but have bad credit?"

The patriotic come-on was a ruse by a marketing corporation called Consumer Value Direct, which, by the way, also asked for all sorts of personal information about the patriots who clicked on its site, including their home phone numbers and birth dates. In case some real patriots clicked on who might be offended by such a corporate intrusion into their privacy, CVD's Web site generously admitted that such personal data "remains your property" -- but ... it declared, the marketers "have the right to use that information" whenever "necessary or appropriate."

What a crock! These hucksters should be strung up on the nearest flagpole.

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GETTING IDEAS

Ideas. I'm often asked where I get the ideas for my commentaries. A few ooze out of my own feeble brain, but to paraphrase the old crooner Perry Como, I get stacks and stacks of ideas from you good folks. Some are serious, some semiserious, and some just plain fun to think about.

In the fun category is one e-mailed by Rose Marie, who had heard/read my piece about corporate tax scammers that reincorporate in Bermuda to dodge paying their U.S. taxes. I had suggested that the CEOs of these outfits should always have to wear Bermuda shorts, so we could know who they are. Rose Marie, however, felt this didn't go far enough -- rather, she writes, we should "make this slime wear the Bermuda shorts on their head."

Mr. W. Bain is more serious. A World War II veteran from California, he writes that he's sick of hearing politicians talk about "supporting our troops" in war, then turning their backs on the troops after they come home. So, to provide a measure of financial fairness to those who are putting their lives on the line in Iraq, he wants all of them to be awarded shares of stock in Halliburton, Bechtel, and the other Pentagon contractors and oil companies that are making a financial killing there.

Another productive idea comes via e-mail from Nora, who thinks that George W.'s multibillion-dollar tax giveaway to the superrich is stupid. While the millionaire's club will average nearly $100,000 each from the Bush boondoggle, most families are being tossed only $400 as a sort of hushpuppy. Rather than pocket this pathetic political bribe, Nora suggests that we send the money to our favorite presidential candidate, "so Bush pays for his own usurpation."

Then there's Bob, who says that Bush's bizarre babblings about weapons of mass destruction are clear evidence that he should be declared formally insane and removed from office. Check Bob's Web site at www.madgeorge.us.

Thanks for the ideas ... keep them coming!