Minding Your Manners

Illustration By Lisa Kirkpatrick

Though it doesn't make it into the paper, we do get a fair amount of correspondence via phone, e-mail, or snail mail in which readers air their complaints about experiences in local restaurants. We don't print it because it's Chronicle policy not to take a position on business complaints about incidents we didn't witness and can't substantiate, but it does make for very interesting reading. It was certainly food for thought in the development of this quiz. The list of questions below, some directed at restaurant patrons, and others meant for restaurateurs, are based on our personal experiences in local restaurants, reader correspondence, and conversations we've had with a variety of local restaurant owners. We invite you to test your dining-out IQ. Keep in mind that some questions may have more than one correct answer.

1. You've made reservations for a party of six at 7:45pm on a Friday night at a popular restaurant with limited seating. When Friday arrives, you do the following:

a) Call your guests at 5pm and tell them to meet you somewhere else but neglect to cancel the original reservation.

b) Neglect to remind your guests of the reservation time and hope they will show up on time.

c) Ask your guests to meet you in the waiting area of the restaurant at 7:30pm to ensure everyone is there when your table should be ready.

d) Arrive at 7:45pm with only three of your guests and make a scene when the host informs you the restaurant does not seat incomplete parties.

2. Your table of eight has enjoyed their dinner, paid their check, tipped handsomely, and continues to linger at the table in a very busy restaurant on a Saturday night. Embarrassed, but with few other options, the restaurant owner offers to buy your group a drink at the bar because he needs the table for another reservation. You do the following:

a) Graciously move your party to the bar and take him up on the drink, apologizing for keeping the table so long.

b) Decline the drink and leave in a huff.

c) Sit where you are another 30 minutes, watching the party that's waiting for your table have a second round of drinks at the bar.

d) Make a scene, embarrass your guests, and e-mail everyone you know, telling them about the outrage you suffered at the restaurant.

3. Another couple invites you and your spouse out for dinner at a very popular, hip restaurant with limited seating and space. At the last minute, the baby sitter you'd lined up for your 2-year-old cancels. You do the following:

a) Send your spouse to dinner and stay home with the kid.

b) Leave your spouse at home with the kid and enjoy dinner with your friends.

c) Take your toddler to a small, busy, cramped restaurant where there's nothing she'll like to eat and nothing for her to do. A few minutes after you're seated, she starts kicking to be released from your lap, screaming with boredom and frustration. You allow her to roam around the restaurant, bothering other guests, endangering herself, and making it very difficult for the staff to serve and bus tables.

d) Cancel altogether and ask your friends to give you a raincheck.

4. Your friend is having a birthday and a group of eight is celebrating together in a neighborhood restaurant. You've brought your friend's favorite cake from the local bakery and ask the restaurant to serve it after dinner. They graciously agree but inform you there will be a plating charge to cover the cost of labor and dishes used in serving the cake. You do the following:

a) Thank them, realizing the restaurant derives part of their income from the sale of desserts and you've just asked them to serve something they didn't prepare.

b) Grab the cake and flounce out of the restaurant in a huff.

c) Make a scene, demanding to see the manager. Make everyone uncomfortable, then finally agree to pay the plate charge.

d) Enjoy dinner in the restaurant and invite your friends back to your house for cake and coffee.

5. At dinner in one of your favorite restaurants, you're served a piece of fish that tastes old and is badly overcooked. You do the following:

a) Discuss the problem with your waiter and ask for the fish to be replaced with another entrée.

b) Choke it down and complain about it to everyone you know except the waiter or the manager.

c) Send the fish back to the kitchen and ask that the cost be deducted from your bill.

d) Leave the fish on your plate and call the health department the next day to complain about the restaurant.

6. Your party of four has made a night of it in a chic, trendy downtown restaurant based on the fact that you thought you had a coupon valid for reduced prices. You spend in excess of $200 and when it comes time to pay out, you're informed the coupon is no good. You do the following:

a) Become belligerent, demand to see the manager, and argue with him.

b) Decline the manager's offer to step outside and settle the matter when he gets belligerent, too.

c) Chalk it up to experience, realizing you should have presented the coupon to make sure it was valid before running up a huge tab. Resolve not to eat there again.

d) Calmly negotiate a solution, suggesting the restaurant split the difference with you as a gesture of goodwill to keep your business.

7. You and your sister go out for lunch in a casual Mexican restaurant. The waitress brings your chips and hot sauce and takes your drink order, all while talking on her cell phone. She continues to talk on the phone and does not return to your table. You do the following:

a) Walk out of the restaurant.

b) Flag down another waiter and ask him to put in your order.

c) Complain to the manager about the rude waitress.

d) Ask the manager if he knows your waitress' cell phone number so you can call in your order.

8. While serving a group of six guests for dinner one evening, two of your customers who had not identified themselves as vegetarians order Lobster Bisque and then complain that it tastes like bacon. You check with the chef and find out the soup was indeed made with bacon fat. Your solution is:

a) Roll your eyes and tell them they should have told you they were vegetarians before ordering to avoid this kind of mix-up.

b) Offer them another choice of soup or salad.

c) Take the soup back to the kitchen and remove the cost from their bill.

d) Warn one of the women that the fish special she ordered has bacon in it, too, so she can make another choice.

9. A guest in your restaurant orders a specific and very expensive after-dinner liqueur. He takes one sip and declares loudly that what you've served is a cheap knock-off rather than what he ordered. Your solution is:

a) Bring the liqueur bottle to the table and pour him another glass.

b) Throw the drink in his face and ask him to leave your establishment.

c) Offer to delete the cost of the drink from his tab.

d) Fire the bartender.

10. As the manager of a fine dining restaurant with world-class aspirations, you are concerned about decorum. When you open for lunch, the first two guests to arrive are wearing clean, presentable clothing but one is wearing running shoes. This conflicts with your dress code. Your solution is:

a) Even though the restaurant is empty, ask if they have a reservation and tell them the entire restaurant is booked.

b) Keep them waiting for several minutes in hopes they will get the message and leave.

c) Seat them in a corner where you hope no one's meal will be ruined by the sight of running shoes on a fellow customer.

d) Realize you're in Austin and get over yourself.

Answers: 1. c; 2. a; 3. a, b, d; 4. a, d; 5. a, c; 6. c, d; 7. any or all; 8. c, d; 9. a, c; 10. d