Who in the hell did Jennifer Kim piss off? In who's pathway did her pooch poop?

Over the weekend the Statesman published an "investigation" into whether Kim was demanding special privileges at Austin-Bergstrom. The councilmember maintains all she wanted was clearance to go through security with the rest of us plebes to meet and see dignitaries to the gate. (Granted, a little odd.) But Tony Plohetski's report goes on to cite a report from the city manger's office stating Kim "thought her VIP badge at our airport would allow her to get through security without going through screening. She has now been told that's not the case and is not happy." Bingo – I think our original questions have been answered.

Never ones to grovel when they could prostrate, the Statesman did the CM's office one better, making the topic the "Talk of Austin," up for online discussion. But the question, while taking pains to avoid mentioning Kim – "Should Austin City Council members be allowed to enter the airport without a boarding pass and without waiting in line at security?" – ignores her protestations that she didn't seek to bypass security. Too late for that now, with comments like these:

"She should not have to wait in line for popcorn at the movies, pay to get into Barton Springs or clean up after her dog. Because she is special, special, special and you – you are not special!"

Many eyebrows were raised when Dripping Springs Democratic Rep. Patrick Rose turned out to be a T-Rex (a very big DINO) during the recent speaker debate. So, after all that frantic Craddick-boosting, what's in store for the Boy from Blanco in the new batch of House committees?

Well, he keeps his seat on Higher Education, but loses both his seat on Calendars and his valued vice-chairmanship of Civil Practices – but don't despair. Why? Because he's the new chair of the House Committee on Human Services! The post became empty when District 54 Republican and Second Amendment-advocate Suzanna Gratia Hupp didn't run last November, and Rose had some spare time, so it's a good fit.

Now far be it from us to say there's any such thing as quid pro quo in Texas politics…

It's always said that if you want to bury news, put it out on a Friday. So, pretty much at close of business, Tom Craddick finally released his delayed House committee selections for the 80th Lege. Now Tom didn't reckon on the fact that we at Chronichave little better to do with our time than pore over Friday press dumps.

So who in the Austin area got what?

- Valinda Bolton (District 47, D) gets County Affairs, Rules and Resolutions, and Juvenile Justice and Family Issues.

- Dawnna Dukes (District 46, D) will sit on Appropriations and Calendars, and is also Chair of Budget Oversight for Culture, Recreation and Tourism.

- Dan Gattis (District 20, R) gets Appropriations, and will be chief business officer for Natural Resources.

- Donna Howard (District 48, D) gets Higher Education, House Administration, and Culture, Recreation and Tourism.

- Mike Krusee (District 52, R) chairs Transportation, and will sit on Judiciary.

- Elliot Naishtat (District 49, D) will serve as vice-chair on County Affairs, and sits on Human Services.

- Eddie Rodriguez (District 51, D) gets Government Reform, Pensions and Investments, and Juvenile Justice and Family Issues.

- Mark Strama (District 50, D) gets the vice-chairmanship of Civil Practices, and sits on Juvenile Justice and Family Issues.

All in all, light on chairmanships (especially if you're a Democrat), but everyone got something to fill his or her time.

Has Rep. Phil King gone green?

Dallas-based electricity company TXU was going to build a bunch of “clean coal” power plants, but decided they may not be financially viable. So it looks like they’ll just have to settle for the old soot-choking, noxious-fumes kind. Of course, perennial business-boosters Rick Perry, David Dewhurst, and John Bolton look-alike King have all come out swingin’ in favor of the “dirty plants.”

But not so fast. It's not like King, who, likely keeping his Regulated Industries committee seat overseeing electricity in the state, doesn't believe in pollution. He's responded via press release to an article in yesterday’s Fort Worth Star-Telegram he feels downplays his views on the effects of coal smoke. (No, it's not made of kittens and flowers.) Apparently, and he wants you to understand this very clearly, he is not opposed to Texas regulating nitrous oxide and sulfur dioxide pollution from power plants. Phil King. Republican. Pollution regulation. Yeah, mull that one over for a moment.

But for those of you currently clutching your chest in shock, don’t worry, it’s still Phil. He goes on to clarify he still believes that global warming is “bad science” and that the state has no role in regulating carbon dioxide emissions. But since the US is running out of anthracite coal (lots of energy, lots of carbon dioxide) and becoming more dependent on lignite (less energy, less carbon dioxide, lots and lots of sulfur dioxide,) maybe he’s just being very forward-thinking…

So apparently Tom Craddick couldn't announce the House committees this week because it was cold last week - yes, he's blaming the ice for the delay. Now we here at Chronic always want to give our state politicians the benefit of the doubt, so here's a few possible reasons why Tom can't wear a scarf and think at the same time.

1) The ink in his quill froze up, so he couldn't sign the parchments for the declarations.
2) He likes to do his thinking over a triple-shot latte but he couldn't find an open coffee shop.
3) He thought a new ice age was coming and got caught up on sharpening spears to take down moose and mammoths for meat and fur.
4) An aide suggested that he leave the 68 reps who voted against him "out in the cold," and he got confused.
5) He spent the entire storm on top of Mount Bonnell, clutching a sled that he has owned since boyhood, praying for snow.
6) Like all cold-blooded creatures, he went into hibernation when it started to get a tad chilly.
7) He was at home, watching the news, to see whether the Lege was going to get a snow day like all the other day-care facilities.
8) Tom was going to his office to do some hard thinkin' but got stuck on that bridge on I-35 that froze over. For three days.
9) He called in so many favors to survive the yay/nay vote on his speakership that he he doesn't actually have enough seats on enough committees to pay everyone back. Meanwhile, others are giving him wise council that being vindictive with committee appointments could have heavy political consequences.
10) Tommy's just a terrible, terrible tease.

Turn to Court TV, channel 57, right now, to see Pitonyak testify.

UPDATE: I'm always one to give credit where credit is due, so here goes: Pitonyak is a great proponent of shopping locally. The last place he remembers eating at before the murder is Jazz on Sixth Street. And moreover, did he go to some faceless big-box for his hacksaw, gloves, and ammonia? Nope, he went to Breed & Co. – in the heart of the Guadalupe Independent Business Investment Zone. So, let's not lose site of that.

Without veering too far off into tinfoil hat territory, I think it's increasingly obvious the troop escalation in Iraq isn't designed to pacify the country – how on earth could 20,000 troops, creating approximately the same number that were there last summer, hope to do so – but instead to create the conditions for attacks on Iran.

Despite the proclamations in the president's library address and his aggressive overtures during the State of the Union, there's practically no evidence that Iran is providing insurgents with bombs and munitions to attack American forces in Iraq. Still, the AP reports "President Bush has authorized U.S. forces in Iraq to take whatever actions are necessary to counter Iranian agents deemed a threat to American troops or the public at large." The policy professes to stop short of Iran's borders, but all we need is one Bay of Pigs-type incident – easily done with a recently deployed carrier in the region– and we're in.

Those of us whose lives are governed by logic may see a massive air strike on Iran as insane, an inflammatory move which will make the current chaos in the Middle East look tame and contained by comparison. But we are not dealing with sane men – we are in the sphere of truly psychotic people who profess to make their own reality. Witness this recent exchange between Bush and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi concerning the escalation:

"I asked him at the White House, 'Mr. President, why do you think this time it's going to work?' And he said, 'Because I told them it had to.' "

Furthering their quest to cut out the middleman – us – and deliver the news straight to you, the city has taken to issuing council "highlights" each meeting. Take a gander: thrilling amendments all, relating to Jollyville Road sidewalks and the speaker sign-up system at City Hall.

In more intriguing news, it should be noted that Item 14, awarding a new taxi franchise to Capital City Cab Company has been postponed by Council all the way until March 1. Methinks there's some further details needing to be ironed out. With the waiting period prescribed in the city charter, this means no new cabs will be rolling city streets until at least May.