Ice Ice Craddick
Top 10 reasons Craddick can't announce his committee appointments.
By Richard Whittaker,
12:36PM, Fri. Jan. 26, 2007
So apparently Tom Craddick couldn't announce the House committees this week because it was cold last week - yes, he's blaming the ice for the delay. Now we here at Chronic always want to give our state politicians the benefit of the doubt, so here's a few possible reasons why Tom can't wear a scarf and think at the same time.
1) The ink in his quill froze up, so he couldn't sign the parchments for the declarations.
2) He likes to do his thinking over a triple-shot latte but he couldn't find an open coffee shop.
3) He thought a new ice age was coming and got caught up on sharpening spears to take down moose and mammoths for meat and fur.
4) An aide suggested that he leave the 68 reps who voted against him "out in the cold," and he got confused.
5) He spent the entire storm on top of Mount Bonnell, clutching a sled that he has owned since boyhood, praying for snow.
6) Like all cold-blooded creatures, he went into hibernation when it started to get a tad chilly.
7) He was at home, watching the news, to see whether the Lege was going to get a snow day like all the other day-care facilities.
8) Tom was going to his office to do some hard thinkin' but got stuck on that bridge on I-35 that froze over. For three days.
9) He called in so many favors to survive the yay/nay vote on his speakership that he he doesn't actually have enough seats on enough committees to pay everyone back. Meanwhile, others are giving him wise council that being vindictive with committee appointments could have heavy political consequences.
10) Tommy's just a terrible, terrible tease.