News Ticker: May 16

Steve Hotze panics at the disco, Louie Gohmert flips his lid, and Randy Travis gets litigious. Palpitations are on the News Ticker.

• Here is a handy guide on ways to help victims of the devastating Dallas-area tornadoes.

• Investigators are said to have whittled down the possible causes of the West Fertilizer explosion to a golf cart, an electrical fire, or a criminal act. Although it may seem that the investigation has not been fruitful, they have ruled out Drew Barrymore's pyrokenesis.

• Austin's Franklin Barbecue has topped Texas Monthly's list of the "best barbecue joints in the world." Austinites will never be able to eat there again.

• Rep. Louie Gohmert, a "Balloon-a-Blast" clown escaped from the carnival, is furious about A.G. Eric Holder's defamation of his vegetables.

• He may have white hair and dealings with a certain "wormtongue," but Sen. John Cornyn should be reminded that an obsession with not letting people pass does not make one Gandalf.

• Speaking of Cornyn, at least the "corn" part of his name is right. Hey-oh!

• Although we enjoy Veronica Zaragovia's Lege reporting for KUT, we are a little skeeved out by the accompanying photo to her story on a failed term limits bill. We know becoming part of the story is generally pooh-poohed by journalistic types, but Rep. Senfronia Thompson clearly needed some help. Where's the humanity Ms. Zaragovia?

• Musical legend Randy Travis is suing the Texas Department of Public Safety for leaking irrefutable proof that his life is a country song.

• Dude! We can't wait to hear GOP mega-donor Dr. Steve Hotze's set at the Electric Daisy Carnival. Those Skrillex remixes are sick.

• Rep. Matt Krause – a sobering reminder of what happens when one believes the Men's Wearhouse tagline "You're going to like the way you look" – is very concerned that campus groups are too inclusive.

• We're pretty sure that the giant red miasma hovering over Fort Worth in this Twitter hate map had nothing to do with him though. It's probably just smog.

• We were pumped to hear that Texas Parks and Wildlife has created a new Marine Investigations Unit, but it turns out that dolphins will not actually be involved in the investigations. They would have looked so cute wearing badges.