The Townsend Debuts Candidate Cocktails

Vote with your liver

photo by Eat Your Heart Out Photography courtesy of The Townsend

If there is anything about this miserable presidential election cycle that is certain, it’s that we will all need to drown our sorrows. Luckily Justin Elliott of Congress Ave. hotspot The Townsend has a special cocktail menu that might turn Monday, Feb. 29 into a grand ole party.

The tongue-in-cheek menu is running for one day to coincide with comedians Anthony Atamanuik and James Adomian’s show "Trump vs. Bernie – Clash of the Titans," presented by Paramount Social and Moontower Comedy at nearby The Stateside. The mock debate naturally needed some mocking cocktails, so the bar rose to the occasion. Named after the remaining slate of candidates (and the recent dropout Jeb!), the drinks are sure to calm your partisan rancor.

Cocktails for Candidates

Trump
A Manhattan made with Canadian whisky because if he wins we’re moving to Vancouver
$12

Bernie
A can of Lone Star and a shot of Fernet, but the bartender gets to drink the shot
$4

Hillary
A rye whiskey Ole Fashioned that’s really actually pretty great, but maybe you should have ordered something more exciting
$8

Jeb!
A $157 million vodka soda that never actually shows up
$157,600,000

John Kasich
A perfectly reasonable cocktail that you are still not gonna order, so why bother describing it?
$9

Marco Rubio
A classic, Cuban-style daiquiri
$8

Ted Cruz
The same as Marco Rubio’s daiquiri, but somehow a lot less likable
$8

Ben Carson
Some warm milk and an Ambien
Set a $20 bill on fire

A note to readers: Bold and uncensored, The Austin Chronicle has been Austin’s independent news source for almost 40 years, expressing the community’s political and environmental concerns and supporting its active cultural scene. Now more than ever, we need your support to continue supplying Austin with independent, free press. If real news is important to you, please consider making a donation of $5, $10 or whatever you can afford, to help keep our journalism on stands.

Support the Chronicle  

READ MORE
More The Townsend
25 Bars That Define Austin
25 Bars That Define Austin
Dives, lounges, and saloons that are raising the bar

Brandon Watson, July 21, 2017

More by Brandon Watson
My Obsession: Therapy With Nineties Supermodels
My Obsession: Therapy With Nineties Supermodels
Escape via the long gay tradition of diva worship

Sept. 15, 2017

Review: Holy Roller
Review: Holy Roller
The personal is edible at Callie Speer’s new hot spot

Sept. 8, 2017

KEYWORDS FOR THIS POST

The Townsend, Justin Elliott

MORE IN THE ARCHIVES
NEWSLETTERS
One click gets you all the newsletters listed below

Breaking news, arts coverage, and daily events

Can't keep up with happenings around town? We can help.

Austin's queerest news and events

Eric Goodman's Austin FC column, other soccer news

Information is power. Support the free press, so we can support Austin.   Support the Chronicle