The Austin Chronicle

The Townsend Debuts Candidate Cocktails

By Brandon Watson, February 26, 2016, 11:45am, On the Range

If there is anything about this miserable presidential election cycle that is certain, it’s that we will all need to drown our sorrows. Luckily Justin Elliott of Congress Ave. hotspot The Townsend has a special cocktail menu that might turn Monday, Feb. 29 into a grand ole party.

The tongue-in-cheek menu is running for one day to coincide with comedians Anthony Atamanuik and James Adomian’s show "Trump vs. Bernie – Clash of the Titans," presented by Paramount Social and Moontower Comedy at nearby The Stateside. The mock debate naturally needed some mocking cocktails, so the bar rose to the occasion. Named after the remaining slate of candidates (and the recent dropout Jeb!), the drinks are sure to calm your partisan rancor.

Cocktails for Candidates

A Manhattan made with Canadian whisky because if he wins we’re moving to Vancouver

A can of Lone Star and a shot of Fernet, but the bartender gets to drink the shot

A rye whiskey Ole Fashioned that’s really actually pretty great, but maybe you should have ordered something more exciting

A $157 million vodka soda that never actually shows up

John Kasich
A perfectly reasonable cocktail that you are still not gonna order, so why bother describing it?

Marco Rubio
A classic, Cuban-style daiquiri

Ted Cruz
The same as Marco Rubio’s daiquiri, but somehow a lot less likable

Ben Carson
Some warm milk and an Ambien
Set a $20 bill on fire

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