The Luv Doc: The Lifestyle

Dear Luv Doc,

I need your advice. I have been married to my wife for 10 years now and we just recently got into the lifestyle together two years ago. I don’t consider ourselves swingers as we only sleep with singles. And by singles I mean single males. Now don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love to watch and join my wife with other men. I’m not homosexual but it does turn me on to see my wife being pleasured. However, when it comes to being with other women, we haven’t done that yet. I have needs too, ya know. But it’s not the same; she doesn’t enjoy seeing me with other women. She is also heterosexual. My wife keeps saying she isn’t ready for that yet. But it’s been two years already; when will she be ready? I love my wife with all my heart and I know she loves me. Everything is out in the open and we talk about everything. But I need to know how to make this fair. I want her to enjoy me with other women!– Jack

Hmmmmmm. Wait ... let me rephrase that: Hmmmmmm. What lifestyle are you into? If you’re not into the swinger lifestyle, then maybe the cuck lifestyle? I know “cuck” has become a bit of a pejorative – certainly among the red hats, who ironically, are even more likely to be fucked by their ballot choice than Melania. Unlike the first lady, they actually asked for it. That said, I’m not here to fetish-shame. Thankfully, we live in America – a place where people like Elon, Zuck, and Bezos are free to express their sexuality in whatever way they choose. After all, the world needs power bottoms every bit as much as it needs cucks. Maybe more. Unlike cucks, who lazily recline in a corner observing the shenanigans, power bottoms really carry the load. That last bit is probably a T-shirt on Etsy. Maybe I should get one for Elon. He can’t own everything.

Now, even though it really seems like you’re into getting cucked, I realize there might be a lot of information you haven’t shared. I get it. This is the game I’ve chosen. Spotty information is the inevitable curse of the advice columnist. But seriously: Where are y’all finding all these single males? Craigslist? Grindr? BiCupid? Steiner Ranch? To be honest, I’ve never been down that road, but certain threads on Reddit lead me to believe that Steiner Ranch is just a teeming sea of randy fellows wearing pornstaches and pineapple shirts. I have to profess ignorance on this one. Anything west of the Pennybacker Bridge might as well be in Switzerland as much as I ever head that direction. Again, on me. I keep saying I am going to get a jet ski and a banana hammock so I can really get to know Lake Austin, but finances are tight these days – nearly as tight as a form-fitting slingshot. Even still, would it kill someone with a house on Lake Austin to invite me to a spotted owl barbecue ... or a human-hunting party ... or whatever it is they do over there for amusement?

Right, so your wife isn’t into watching you bang other women. That’s her prerogative, but you’ve led me to believe that two years ago when you joined “the lifestyle” that was a reasonable expectation. Otherwise, the conversation would have been, “Honey, would you mind watching other men have sex with me?” Now you are clearly down a road. At some point you found out that she doesn’t enjoy seeing you with other women. That right there was the point at which you might have pointed out the obvious inequity of your situation, but what’s done is done. Now you have the simple task of convincing your wife that her pleasure is conditional on your pleasure. Good sex, like a good relationship, always involves compromise. Ideally it’s a happy compromise: She goes down on you. You go down on her. Everybody gets what they want, even if not necessarily in the order they want it. I doubt seriously if this is going to work, but maybe you can convince her that, metaphorically at least, you have been going down on her for two years without reciprocation. I seriously doubt, however, that guilting her into a threesome with another woman is going to work, especially if she’s staunchly hetero. So, you can either live with the consequences you created, or tell her you’re going to seek that threesome without her, which seems unlikely given that you love your wife with all your heart. The important thing to remember here is that the only person you truly have control over is yourself. So, if you’re actually not OK with the current situation, you need to let your wife know that this isn’t the lifestyle you thought you were getting into.