The Luv Doc: A Sick Person

Dear Luv Doc,

I got married to an incredible woman last year. I love her with all of my heart. She is from South America. I am an American that just happened to be born and raised abroad. (Think of the area where Asia, Africa, and Europe meet.) We knew pretty early in the relationship that we wanted to be together forever. Everything was going well until the day my wife had to have an immigration medical exam. The S.O.B doctor asked my wife to undress. Our attorney stated that this so-called doctor is a sick person. I submitted a complaint to the Texas Medical Board, but the response was that they found nothing wrong. We were advised that calling the police was another option, but for reasons this option was not pursued. My wife thankfully has moved on from this mess. I, on the other hand, find myself stuck. What kind of a man am I if I just let this go? I tried reaching out to the local TV station to get this story on the news, but they ignored me. I think of how things are handled in the Third World country that I was born in. Resolving this problem in that manner would lead to jail. I need you, Luv Doc. Please help me!

– Not Constantinople

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One of the difficulties of this gig is that most of the time I don't get all the facts. It's not a deal killer, obviously, because I have offered up hundreds (maybe thousands?) of questionably useful responses unburdened by a preponderance of reliable evidence, but there are times – perhaps even in this instance – when some additional details might have been useful. For instance: I have never had an immigration medical exam, even though I immigrated to Austin from Oklahoma, which I think everyone will agree is at least as sketchy as any place in South America. Actually, I am kind of insulted they didn't check me for chiggers, ticks, and meth scabs, but that was a long time ago – back before Texans wore condoms, seat belts, and sunscreen; when it was legal to pound a Lone Star while driving your kid to her Little League game. I guess for some reason now we're stuck up about people from South America?

Anyway, so I've never had an immigration medical exam, but I am guessing your wife's examining physician was a podiatrist, dentist, or a psychiatrist because you seem extra twisted up about this whole nude exam situation. Personally, If I had a nickel for every time I was nude in front of a so-called doctor – which, you should know, is pretty much every morning I look in the mirror – I would have something close to $650, which seems like criminally low pay for witnessing that amount of unsettling nudity. My point however, is that nudity in the U.S. is just not as big a deal as it might be in certain countries in the Mediterranean, excluding Italy, France, and Spain, of course, because Europeans are freaky … oh, and also Greece, where I am pretty sure nudity was invented. Also, nudity in a medical exam context seems fairly commonplace in my experience, but perhaps I am exceptional in that regard.

All that said, let me be very clear: I am not saying that what this doctor did was OK, especially if your wife being nude was not appropriate for the exam in question. At the very least that is exploitative even if it's not actually criminal. It's good that you filed a complaint with the Texas Medical Board, but it's also understandable that no action was taken by either them or the TV station because essentially you are in a he said, she said (or possible a she said, she said, because you didn't give the gender of the doctor) and there is no easy way to corroborate either party's claims. Regardless of the outcome here, your wife should be made aware that she always has the right to refuse any request by a physician regarding her state of dress. This is America goddamn it, and one of our freedoms is the freedom to be obstinately modest.

Lastly – and this is a question you might need to sit with for a while: Why do you feel that you personally need to take it upon yourself to pursue justice in this instance when by your own admission your wife has "moved on from this mess"? Is this about helping your wife heal mentally from being victimized or about the fact that the woman being victimized was your wife? If it was somebody else's wife would you feel compelled to "resolve this problem in a manner that would lead to jail"? How would your wife benefit from you being in jail? I can't answer that; you have to. What kind of man are you if you just let it go? A man who is there for his wife.