The Luv Doc: His Blessing

Dear Luv Doc,

I really love my girlfriend and we are thinking about getting married. We have been living together for two years and we think it's time. We have talked to our married (and unmarried) friends and they all think we are a perfect match. There is only one "hitch." Her father doesn't like me. At all. In fact, it would be more accurate to say he hates me. Whenever we are around her parents he never speaks to me. He even actively tries to exclude me from conversations and activities. I have talked to my girlfriend about this and she says that he is just "grumpy around people," but I think it's worse than that. I don't think he thinks I am worthy of his daughter. I think my girlfriend knows this and is just covering for him. Should I try to get his blessing or go ahead and proceed without it?

– Hated

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Let me just say this, Hated, it's really hard to be worthy of someone's daughter – or son for that matter (as many a daughter-in-law will attest). I know my father-in-law didn't take a shine to me initially – and with good reason. My mullet alone was unforgivable, but I put the swirl in that cup of haterade by being a loser musician as well.

The thing is, people want the best for their children, even if they may not hold themselves to equal standards. I know this may sound shocking, but it might be that your girlfriend's dad sees a lot of himself in you and knows what a no-good bastard he was. Then again, he might hate you for entirely different reasons, like, for instance, maybe you have a man bun or you drive a Camaro. There is also the decent probability that, as his daughter says, he might not hate you at all. He might just have resting bastard face – sort of like Kanye.

As will be the case with just about everything regarding your relationship, you're going to have to trust your girlfriend on this one. I know you're probably a genius at reading people's facial expressions and behaviors and intuiting what is going on in their heads, but most people are really shitty at it. They make wrong assumptions and then take actions based on those wrong assumptions and the outcome looks – in the best-case scenario – like an episode of Larry David's Curb Your Enthusiasm. If you've never seen Larry David, it always ends awkwardly and embarrassingly – just like the first time you had sex.

Like it or not, you have a future father-in-law who at least seems to be a huge asshole. The only way you're going to find out if he actually is a huge asshole is to talk to him and ask him what's up. Sounds terrifying, doesn't it? You might find that he's a huge racist or that he listens to Rush Limbaugh every day or that he has chronic constipation – or all three. You might also find out that he is a good guy who hates the idea of giving up his little girl. And why wouldn't he? You think she's pretty fantastic, don't you? So maybe you and your father-in-law-to-be are never going to be super chummy, but perhaps by talking to him you can reach a livable truce. You don't need his blessing, but given you plan on spending the rest of your life with his daughter, it wouldn't hurt.