The Luv Doc: A Piece of Work

Greetings Luv Doc!
I actually observed my wife has been viewing your website on my laptop and I guess she likes your piece of work. I am also impressed and amazed to have seen your various works, too. You are doing a great job. I would like to receive further information about your work and what inspires you. I would like to purchase one of yours as a surprise to my wife on our anniversary.
- RB from SC

First of all, RB, my work is not for sale. What am I? Shepard Fairey? I mean, I will admit we’re both middle-aged white dudes with really unfortunate last names … and while my artistic oeuvre is not as celebrated as Mr. Fairey’s, I feel like I am on the cusp of major fame in the art world. I would put my Mummified Toddler Catapult or my Bluto-Popeye White Knuckled Bedroom Romp sketches up against anything that shameless money whore has done. Of course, I don’t have to tell you that. You’ve seen my various works. You feel me.

As far as your wife viewing my “piece of work” on your laptop, that sounds a little pervy. It’s like you caught her looking at porn or something. While I will freely admit that around 2% of my sketches involve graphic depictions of copulation (plug in the magic wand!), the largest portion of my work involves defecation, drug use, and dismemberment – hardly masturbation-worthy material to any but the most depraved deviants. The remainder covers a smorgasbord of subjects that range from adorable to dull – the latter being the most heinous crime an artist can commit. It happens. Sometimes when you art it stinks, but that shouldn’t keep you from arting. You can’t keep it repressed. You have to let it out.

So I am pleased, RB, that you found my work “impressive and amazing.” That is exactly the kind of thing that inspires me to let it out – not necessarily the fame, the adulation, or the piles of cash, but the honest connections I make with real people. That’s my biggest payoff. Oh, and when I say my art is not for sale, it’s not because I am stuck up about my art, I’m not. It’s just that living in Austin has taught me that I stand to make more money from a long-term lease situation. My guess is that this is going to be a really expensive way to surprise your wife, but if you’re willing to keep an open mind, I think we can work out a deal.