The Luv Doc: An Acceptable Amount of PDA

Dear Luv Doc,
After six years of being married to an Aggie, I made my first trek to College Station last weekend for midnight yell practice before the A&M - Alabama game. Along with a dozen friends, we loaded up our coolers and climbed on board the Party Bus Lounge. This wasn't just a hollowed out and converted old school bus, mind you, but a really fancy party bus, with comfy seating, a trippy LED light show, and a stripper pole - you know, to keep it classy.

Anyway, at the end of the evening, after visiting the "world-famous" (according to everyone in College Station) Dixie Chicken and learning a few cheers about Fighting Farmers, we were back on the bus to return to Houston. At this point everyone was pretty drunk ... we'd been hanging out in college bars all night doing shots and convincing ourselves that no one guessed we were 20 years older than them.

Anyway, I was seated near the back of the bus, and at one point, I looked over to see one of the couples kissing. Like, tongues-down-each-other's-throats-bodies-writhing kissing. A few minutes later I looked over to see that they'd covered their laps with a blanket and his hand was clearly between her legs. Finally, the last time I looked (maybe I'm the perv, and should have just stopped looking) she was on his lap gyrating back and forth ever so slightly. They were still covered by a blanket, but there was no mistaking ... they were banging.

Now, good for them for being so attracted to one another that they absolutely could not control themselves and just had to do it right there on the bus surrounded by a dozen people. But seriously, how much is too much when it comes to PDA?
- Slackjawed

Going by the community standards criteria set forth in the landmark Supreme Court case Miller v. California, it could be argued that, given the bus’ point of origin was Houston, anything short of a Monster’s Ball coffee table fuck romp would be acceptable PDA – not to mention you were on a party bus with a stripper’s pole and disco lights. I’d say you got off easy. Oh, and speaking of, you should be grateful those LEDs weren’t black lights. Those bus seats probably would have looked like Jackson Pollock paintings.

That said, how much is too much? Well, you will have to look inward on that one. Like obscenity, PDA is highly subjective and situational. However, I think you’re on the right track praising their affection for one another – especially considering they managed an honest screw in the midst of all that depravity and somehow kept you and the rest of the riders out of the splash zone.

In the real world, PDA can’t always just be a fist bump, a firm handshake, or an awkwardly long hug with your Baptist Youth Minister, but I feel safe in saying that reeling out your junk or dry humping to completion is probably a bit too much – especially if there’s a wet spot on the pew.