Uncaged

Uncaged: Yadda Yadda, Warden

The Vortex,

Through June 30

Running Time: 2 hrs

My friend Sylvia has an opinion about Ratgirl. "Ratgirl," she says, "rocks." Ratgirl is the host of the Vortex Repertory Company's Uncaged. But Ratgirl is more than just the host of this show; Ratgirl is an autonomous entity, with perky ears and a little black nose and a long, thick tail, who can be seen around town performing various duties, bits of ratly volunteer work like ushering or box-officing for the theatre community at large. Here at Uncaged, she's the rodential emcee.

Sylvia also has an opinion about Uncaged. "Please," she says. "Lock them back up."

"Hey," I protest, "some of the things were kinda cool, weren't they? Besides Ratgirl, I mean. Like that twisted family thing with Elizabeth Doss and Clay Towery, that was pretty clever."

"You mean 'Domesticity.'"

"Yeah, that's it. Wasn't it great to see Doss and Towery working together like that?"

"They're talented performers," allows Sylvia. "But their talents would've been better used elsewhere. As would Bonnie Cullum's, the director's; she usually works with much more edifying material. Because 'Domesticity' and that thing with Heather Barfield, where she's dancing around like a total goofball to that Dolly Parton song …"

"That Slutty Swan piece?"

"Yeah," says Sylvia, "That one and the Doss piece -- Ha! 'Doss piece!' -- were actually funny; they were warped and enjoyable. But they were also as good as it got, you know? And there was a lot of it, and much of it was pretty miserable. I mean, there were people who should be barred from speaking onstage. Like there oughta be a law."

"C'mon, Syl" I say, "what about that one guy, that radio show host guy?"

"You mean David Saldaña?"

"Yeah. He was terrific, wasn't he? Great voice, sharp presence."

Sylvia sniffs. "These are minor exceptions to a heavy rule," she says.

"But it was a workshop performance, Sylvia. It was a bunch of actors and non-actors getting together to hone or learn the craft, to see what they could come up with, and …"

"Exactly," says Sylvia. "I think the public deserves more for its money than an end-of-the-workshop variety show. Unless what's onstage is better performed and more original and less gratuitously crude and, well, all of that. Which this one wasn't."

"Please," I tell her, "don't hold yourself back."

"I only have one more thing to say."

And that is?

"Ratgirl," says Sylvia, smiling, "rocks."