Honky Tonk Heartbreakers Dominate Alamo City All-Stars
in I-35 Blowout

Last Sunday the Playland Skate Center hosted two bouts – one thrilling, one a blowout – from Austin's flat-track Roller Derby league, the Texas Rollergirls. The first bout of the evening featured the Texas Rollergirls' Honky Tonk Heartbreakers vs. the Las Tejanas, an all-star team from San Antonio's Alamo City Rollergirls. The Heartbreakers' fresh faces struggled in their first bout of the year a month ago but looked in fine form Sunday night. Breaking out to a 25-1 lead, they never allowed the ladies from S.A. an opportunity to get back in the match. The decision to make the halves 30 minutes instead of their usual 20 minutes didn't help the shorthanded visitors at all. To their credit, Las Tejanas came out strong in the second half and were only outscored 32-21 compared to the lopsided 54-16 halftime score – the final score being 86-37. Hard to say how this will transfer to the Heartbreakers next bout against fellow Rollergirls competition, but they looked to have solved some of the problems of their opening-bout loss to the Hotrod Honeys. San Antone gals of note include Miss Treater, Satan Speed, and Killa Byte but the entire squad deserves kudos for hanging with the tough ladies from Austin. Their captain, Barbacoa, and the pigtailed Tonya Hurting went down with first-half injuries to further deplete their lineup.

The second bout of the night was a different story. The Hustlers and Hotrod Honeys were going at it like the Red Sox and the Yankees in October. The first half was as exciting a half of Roller Derby as you are likely to witness. The Honeys held the edge for most of the half in this defensive struggle (it was 8-8 after 12 minutes of play), but the Hustlers rallied to take the lead for a bit with the half ending with a 22-19 score in favor of the Hotrod Honeys. In the second half, Cat Tastrophe, Miso Fresh, Lucille Brawl, and the speedy and dexterous Rice Rocket of the HRH's were just too much for the Hustlers to handle. The Honeys immediately built upon their small lead and never allowed the Hustlers to gain any momentum.

There was a scare in the second half when the Hustlers' ultratalented (and built like a rock) Dinah Mite went down after being pushed forward (in a good way) by teammate Slim Kickins. After a few tense moments, Dinah Mite arose to the cheers of the crowd and soon returned to the action. This could have been a huge blow to the Hustlers season and the Roller Derby in general. Dinah Mite needs to be out there skating and doing her thing. She is a big reason I chose the Hustlers to win it all this year. But having witnessed the first two bouts of the year, I'd have to say that the Hotrod Honeys are the team to beat. Sorry Hustlers. I call 'em like I see 'em.

As far as the musical entertainment went, the IV Thieves (that's Four Thieves, junkies) were probably the most impressive band (next to Trail of Dead) I have seen perform at the Roller Derby. Chris Gray says it best in his feature story on the crooks with the hooks and the looks, "The Sound and the Fury."

Next bout: On May 6 the HaRD Knocks from the Houston Roller Derby (another all-star team) roll into town to try and take down the Texas Rollergirls' Hotrod Honeys at the Playland Skate Center. Good luck ladies, and I mean that sincerely as an H-town native. And a li'l purple stuff wouldn't hurt either.