You know when you leave the bathroom with a trail of TP stuck to your shoe? Well, I can't seem to shake Larry Craig. The non-re-election seeking Idaho Senator confessed late last month: "It's probably difficult for some to believe, but my wife and I had already decided that I would retire about a year ago." Poor Larry has plenty he can't shake, either. Obviously, he's a victim of (as he says), the "liberal media trying to put down a conservative guy." Awwwwwww. Well, it should come as no surprise to find him moonlighting as a poster boy for a New Orleans' designer, GoGo Jewelry. (I just about fell over when I saw this card in the window of the Magazine Street shop, and just had to share.) Oh, wait, that's not Craig; the model in the ad is wearing his telltale wedding band on his right hand… Besides, Craig is a discriminating fella. He'd never tap feet with a guy in white socks and Skechers.

Ahh, the hip hop closet. The soon-to-be-released book, Hiding in Hip Hop by MTV exec Terrance Dean is supposed to blow the shit off that pocket door. We'll see. I mean, if we get pages of Diddy, Missy, Queen Lateef, and Kanye? Big yawn. But if we're talkin' Fifty, Busta, or Dre, you've got my attention. Here's a great think piece from back in 2001 by Chris Nutter in the Village Voice about men on the DL in the hip hop industry. Were it not so incisive and interesting, I'd say the article existed merely to flaunt Nutter's fabulous turn of phrase, "Puffy's poufy pals." Some might argue that this whole on the DL thing enjoys a twistedly fascinating relationship within the black community. As if there are no evolved angels willing to stand up against homophobia. Don't know 'bout all that. Doesn't seem very different from the Texas Lege, if you ask me.

In light of Michael Stipe's Spinning nonrevelations…

Raise your hand if you have a holiday story regarding coming out. Raise the other hand if one of those stories happened this year.

Okay, now put your hands down. You'll want to click some links.

Our favorite coming out tale of the holiday season is hands-down, Jodie Foster.

We realized (after the ironic holiday-long cleaning of our own walk-in – literally, not metaphorically…) that almost the entire holiday season went by and we hadn't yet weighed in on the news that One. Of. Our. Very. Favorite. Actresses. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. had finally acknowledged what we'd hoped she would for so very long.

Most people settle for a Christmas card with their picture on it, but U.S. Sen. Larry "I Was Picking Up Some Paper" Craig, R-Idaho, gets to do one better. Custom action figure firm HeroBuilders has just released its Larry Craig action figure. Apparently the 12-inch toy comes with a T-shirt that says, "I am not gay," which is pretty much the only denial technique the senator has not used yet.

For those looking for replayability, when you press on his chest, a recording of his famous press conference plays, and mini-Craig says, "Thank you all very much for coming out today. I will read a statement: 'I am not gay. I never have been gay.'" It also comes with all the features one would expect from a modern boy, including flexible limbs. Tragically, no built-in superpower-activated wide stance, which would be this generation's answer to GI Joe's kung-fu grip. (To quote comedian Demitri Martin, the only difference between a toy and an adult toy? Location, location, location.)

Chronic doubts that it's an officially licensed figure, molded with the senator's loving approval. However, he may yet ask for royalties for the use of his likeness. Then deny that he'd asked for royalties. Then, under pressure from the GOP, ask for royalties again. Then say he won't ask for royalties now, but will before the next election.

Sheesh.

It's almost not even worth reporting these days. We're all so desensitized to it by now. Another week, another right-winger's winger in the news. Republican Florida Rep. Bob Allen was found guilty by jury of soliciting sex in a public restroom.

Old news.

We blogged about it when the Florida gay for pay scandal first broke. He offered the cop 20 bucks for a bee-j. Not to receive one but to give. Doesn't sound queer at all to me. Naaaaah.

But, we know this drill. In a few days, he'll resign, or they'll make him resign, and he'll be just another name, another Mark Foley, Larry Craig, another Richard Curtis, out of the headlines as quickly as the Repubs can write the check.

But I wonder, will any of this press be enough to reverse some hypocritical Legislature enforced by representatives later found to be self-hating bathroom homos? Just a thought.

Check it. Mens' public restrooms: the new closet.

Ahhh, more "kinky, barebacking encounters" from the Republican closet. Don't these guys ever tire of this routine? This time, the elected Republican official in question is Washington State Rep. Richard Curtis.

These stories are piling up like… well, piles on a porn star. And don't get us wrong: The more gay Republicans the merrier. We love when big, paunchy, white plutocrats get in touch with their inner yin (or at least that sweet spot on their happy gland), we just don't love it when they do everything within their elected power to punish and marginalize folks who do it legally and without a side of denial.

And, how.

This beariest bear of all the bears in the bear kingdom bares all about a certain senator from Idaho (who-daho?).

According to this Village Voice distilling of a Wonkette exclusive, Lar-Bear did him dirty.

Boo!

Gotcha, didn't I? Now that's some scary shit!

... which brings me to today's costume idea: An Ex-Gay, or if you really want a challenge: the Ex Ex-Gay.

Now, some of you may be familiar with the down and dirty tactics of Christian (and I use that word lightly) ministries like Exodus International who purport to help the fragile gays and lesbians overcome their homosexual ways.

Exodus International proves too easy a target – which is why we shall make it a Halloween costume! Here goes…

What you'll need: