The AggreGAYtor: December 3

Hillary Clinton plays coy, Sophia Vergara gives into her basic instinct, and the SCOTUS demands more cowbell. Six o'clock already, today’s AggreGAYtor was just in the middle of a dream.

• The Supreme Court again declined to issue orders on any pending marriage equality case today, instead deciding to fulfill their life-long dream to become a good time rock-and-roll band. Justice Sonia Sotomayor reportedly plays a killer triangle.

• Mallory Owens, the Alabaman lesbian who was brutally beaten over Thanksgiving weekend by her girlfriend’s brother, is stepping back from recent claims that the attack was not motivated by sexuality.

• Miami student Nacrisha Cash alleges she was the victim of hate crime in gas station assault.

• Although the thought of cops singing show tunes from the Wizard of Oz seems deliciously campy, it is probably a little less so if you are wrongly arrested by said cops.

• Citibank is going in the AggreGAYtor’s corporate burn book because it’s a grotsky, little byotch.

• Trans high schooler James Spencer wins his restroom rights fight against Ontario school district.

• Ain’t no marriage like a West Point same sex marriage, cuz a same sex marriage don’t stop.

• Unfortunately, once married, the happy couple will still be viewed as living single by the military. Because with DOMA still in place, we are still living in a 90s kind of world.

• The Michigan Senate advances a bill that would allow health providers to refuse care based on ill-defined “moral objections.” When asked how such a denial would square with Christian teachings, the proponents cite a little-known Psalm that depicts Jesus kicking a leper.

• Ryan Andresen, the Boy Scout denied Eagle status recently featured on “Ellen,” receives recognition from the California Assembly – which is infinitely cooler than some old badge.

• Pennsylvania state rep Mike Fleck is the Trojan horse of gaypublicans.

• Dr. Drew Pinksy, a genetically modified orange molding in your refrigerator crisper, is the latest misery profiteer to take up conversion therapy.

• Sexy, sexy Cosmopolitan Magazine, purveyor of all the sexually, sexy sex ways sexy, sexy women can sexually please their sexy, sexy men, takes on the issue of asexuality with a surprisingly measured tone.

• A first of its kind LGBT-positive mosque opens at the end of the month in Paris.

• Hillary Clinton’s team diplomatically fails to clarify her position on marriage equality.

• Show and tell time – pundicks edition! Here’s Fox’s gastrointestinal anchor Steve Doocey talking to a balding helium balloon about issues of interest to LGBTQIA communities.

• And here’s Dan Savage making an absolutely hilarious joke about an “ex” gays “lesbian” haircut.

• Lastly, here’s Wonkette editor Rebecca Schoenkopf questioning Stacie Laughton’s gender identity because she doesn’t doll herself up enough.

• Janee Harteau becomes Minneapolis’ first openly lesbian police chief.

• In Hollywood news, Sharon Stoneand Modern Family’s Sophia Vergara embark on cinematic Sapphism for John Turturro.

• Guardians of the Galaxy director James Gunn is sorry that he is the Beavis of the blogosphere.

• UCLA think tank Williams Institute estimates that Texas misses out on $60 million in revenue in not allowing marriage equality.

• A gay Dallasite dies of a Xanax overdose after 911 communication problem.

• Central Texas parents are fighting back against bigots controlling the education agenda. Paige Schilt is taking AISD to task for recent banning of “And Then Came Tango.”

• Another rad Centex parents are petitioning to make sure benefits for LGBT families are not taken away at Pflugerville ISD.