The AggreGAYtor: October 16

Shaun T works it out, Ann Coulter tells a bad joke, and Lady Gaga is into chains. Sorry, I can’t hear you. Today’s AggreGAYtor is kinda busy.

• Home-schooled New Zealand sophist predicts a post-marriage equality apocalypse filled with duck overlords. In the new republic of Duckburg, life will be like a hurricane.

• Iowa’s most Christ-like pastor wants to slap pro-LGBTQ parishioner, just like Jesus would have done it. If Jesus was a jerk.

• Ann Coulter, the demon from the Paranormal Activity series, remains the Catskills favorite comedian.

• Lesbian couple attacked during Atlanta Pride.

• The Australian Red Cross learns the value of proofreading.

• Queerlympian Seimone Augustus opposes Minnesota gay marriage ban, natch.

• GOProud’s Jimmy LaSalvia must furiously masturbate to Time’s Paul Ryan photo shoot every night. He is undeniably a wanker.

• Although the woman who verbally assaulted gay Chinese-American Mayor Evan Low has not been identified, the AggreGAYtor thinks it was Victoria Jackson with a candlestick in the parlor.

• Do you know why Pennsylvania State Representative Babette Josephs is smiling? Because she is right. Also, probably because her name is Babette.

• Ellen DeGeneres, America’s favorite snuggly cashmere throw, gives recently ousted gay Boy Scout a big, honking check.

• Old coot is opposed to gay marriage.

• Swedish court’s decision that a preoperative transgender victim could not be raped has been overturned.

• The American Family Association call for kids to be pulled out of school for anti-bullying Mix It Up at Lunch Day, favoring the “traditional values” of Beat ‘em Up at Lunch Day.

• Although the persecution of LGBTQIA people in the middle east is very real, this story reads a little like a John Waters’ movie.

• Marriage equality advocates ask for President Obama to speak up in state fights.

• Lady Gaga will bring marriage equality to her ducal estate by chaining herself to the White House gates and singing Bad Romance. This will presumably awaken her sleeper cells of Little Monsters™ yada yada, roma, ma.

• Shaun T queers up the twittersphere.

• Midland/ Odessa citizens march for LGBTQIA rights.