News Ticker: August 20

Ted Cruz chooses Lone Star over Labatt, Greg Abbott reads between the lines, and Barbara Millicent Roberts tries to remain apolitical. Plastic is on the News Ticker.

• Sen John Cornyn, already an old pro at Twitter, might want to branch out to other social media platforms. It seems he has already become quite adept at using Instagram's thumb filter.

• After releasing a birth certificate that established his dual citizenship, Sen. Ted Cruz says he will be renouncing the Canadian part. He also apologized vociferously for his recent karaoke performance of Celine Dion's "It's All Coming Back to Me Now," even if it did bring the house down.

• In other Cruz nuz, the junior Texas senator apparently wandered about the girl's section of his Princeton dorm wearing a paisley bathrobe. Presumably it was tied tightly enough to cover his maple leaf.

• We have to warn Sen. Ken Paxton about accepting the endorsement of politicians from other states. A Rick Santorum endorsement may seem like a good idea, but it's a slippery slope from there.

• Rep. Harvey Hilderbran has become the latest Republican hopeful in the race for Texas comptroller. With four candidates declared, it seems everyone is desperately seeking Susan.

• Spring businessman Tony Noun has announced his candidacy for Rep. Debbie Riddle's district 150 seat. Funny, we always thought it would be an adjective that took Riddle down.

• Atty. Gen. Greg Abbott claims he didn't read the "offensive language" when he thanked Denton attorney Jeff Rutledge for calling sen. Wendy Davis a "retard barbie." We're inclined to believe him. He's been glossing over the law for years.

• Gov. Rick Perry is taking his job creation roadshow to Missouri. We guess it really is true that Missouri loves company. Hey-yo!

• Viper mogul Rep. Darrell Issa has replaced Texas Rep. Michael McCaul as the wealthiest person on capitol hill. Maybe he should get a second job. Our helpful commenters note you can make $51 an hour just by spending time online.

• At a press conference today, San Antonio council member Elisa Chan offered no apology for calling gay people "disgusting." We certainly hope she won't mind when we call her the same.

• In case you've already gone through the entire season of Orange is the New Black, AISD Sup. Meria Castarphen invites you to watch the all staff convocation on demand. We hear it's a nail-biter.