News Ticker: June 4

The Lege rebels against Rick Perry, Lustre Pearl fights a lawsuit, and the Tea Party refuses to drink the Kool-Aid. Potables are on the News Ticker.

• Today in warm fuzzies, the Texas Rangers have invited the entire town of West, Texas to a July game.

• Now the story of a legislature who proposed everything, and the one governor who had no choice but to keep them all together.

• Tea Party dissent is mounting against the 83rd Legislature's proposed water development bank. We suppose they could always make their beloved tea with flat Pepsi.

• The Austin Police Department's new report on gun violence shows approximately a quarter of crimes involve firearms. Sadly, there were no statistics from crimes involving comically oversized nunchucks.

• Rainey Street bar Lustre Pearl is in hot water again for over-serving. That's probably how the "e" and the "r" got mixed up.

• According to the Texas Civil Health Index, Texans could give a shit.

• The perpetrator in this morning's Bastrop hostage situation is believed to be headed to Austin. Native purists still rank him as a slightly more desirable transplant than Californians.

• Sen. Ted Cruz continues to look for ways to make Marco Rubio look presidential.

• The forces behind Google Glass have banned pornography apps, cruelly stripping wearers from their one hope at sexual engagement.