News Ticker: April 11

Lance Armstrong relocates, Jodie Laubenberg bloviates, and Joe Barton illuminates. Action is on the News Ticker.

• Bizarrely, the Travis County Sheriff's Office media alert regarding yesterday's Union Pacific fatality describes the apparent suicide as "train vs. pedestrian." The TSCO might be just a little bit jaded.

• Beloved fabulist Lance Armstrong has reportedly sold his Austin manse. Maybe he's downsizing?

• The University of Texas is stepping up campus security after a non-credible bomb threat was called in yesterday.

• Hopefully more lobbyists in Texas will learn a lesson from the Sierra Club's Cyrus Reed, who made his point about static Railroad Commission penalties by wearing a Miami Vice style suit. School choice advocates can come as Oliver Twist. Those interested in casinos can swim in Ocean's Eleven flash.

• And Rep. Jodie Laubenberg can come as a terrified zygote. Politics should be fun.

• Still, it's not clear how electric automaker Tesla Motors could have jazzed up their presentation at the Capitol. A screening of 2 Fast 2 Furious would have been nice, but Naomi Gonzalez might have got some ideas.

• The Texas Senate is deeply concerned with some welfare applicants' urine.

• The Lord said "Joe, there's going to be a floody floody."

• Although the typical tensions are escalating in North Korea, Ashley Judd is the biggest current threat to American democracy.