Pull Out That Easter Bahn-et

The weather has sure been wacky. One day it's cold, and the next, a Schlitt-le bit hot. Oh, you see where we're going with this, don't you?

The Boogie Bahn at Schlitterbahn New Braunfels (photo by KXM)

Yes, friends, call your nail tech and book a pedicure, because the second those piggies hear the news, they are going to be raring to wiggle over our favorite faux turf. Summer starts when Schlitterbahn says it starts, so bust out the river shoes and "water"bottles, because this year summer comes early on April 18. Schittlerbahn is open this weekend, beginning Friday. Yeah, it’s going to be a Goooood Friday. We’ve even been dreaming about it.

We can't caption this. We just can't. (photo by KXM)

Remember the season passes we talked about last year? Summer pass holders can boogie down to Blastenhoff for a jaunt down the Master Blaster (or 30 bleary circles around the Torrent) a week early. If you don't have a pass, Blastenhoff is open at reduced price: Adults $32, kids $25. Scuttle over the following weekend, April 26, for the full park.

But you want to go on an adventure, don’t you Bilbo? For those who want a full weekend getaway and beach experience, there’s still time to book Easter at the resort at Schlitterbahn South Padre. Stay two nights and chow down on the free Easter buffet, which will hit the spot after a day tumbling around in inner tubes.

For waterpark lovers all along the Texas Coast, keep an eye on Schlitterbahn Galveston's new ride, the Screaming Serpants and an entire new addition to the Schlitterfamily, Schlitterbahn Corpus Christi, both launching Summer, 2014.

It's that time of year, when scores of noble teens and college kids stand in cold water all day to save your life. (photo by KXM)

The chain of Texas parks' biggest news, however, is happening next month, out of state. For the two of you who yawned through the Master Blaster, Schlitterbahn Kansas City presents the tallest waterslide in the world: Verrückt. It sounds "insane" to the Twitter feed, but this 17-story gut-churner earns its Guinness Book of World Records cred on April 23, officially opening for business a month later on May 23. Ummmmm, yeah, we'll stick to the bar.

Read more Summer Fun stories (and check out the last few years of fun) at austinchronicle.com/summer-fun as we slather on the SPF and lead up to the release of our special annual issue celebrating Austin's sunniest season. The Austin Chronicle’s 2014 Summer Fun Issue hits the stands Thursday, May 16.