The Luv Doc: Personal Trainer
No need to wallow in the tedium of comprehensive knowledge
By The Luv Doc, Fri., May 6, 2022
Dear Luv Doc,
My sister-in-law is normally a lot to take, but recently she became a personal trainer at a local gym and now she seems to have no problem whatsoever giving me unwanted advice about my diet or shaming me about my lack of exercise. All of the sudden she is the authority on health and fitness. Here is the crazy thing: I am not rail thin, but I am also not overweight and I am told regularly by my friends that I look great. I don't go to the gym but I live Downtown and have walked to work for years, so am in decent shape, whereas she is visibly overweight, admits it, and says that's why she wanted to become a personal trainer in the first place. I say good for her, but her newfound authority on health and fitness has made me avoid seeing my brother. That makes me sad. Any advice on getting my sister-in-law to keep her advice and criticism to herself?
– Not Fat and Happy
It's nice that your sister-in-law wants to share her newly gained knowledge about health and fitness with you. Some people just can't contain their enthusiasm, but it's equally likely she's feeling very self-conscious and insecure about her own weight problem, and by sharing her knowledge with you she is also reassuring herself that she's on the right track. It's an archetype. That's all well and good of course, but it doesn't mean it isn't annoying as fuck – especially if the advice she is giving you is unsolicited. That may sound a little strange coming from an advice columnist, but to be fair, I am a really shitty advice columnist.
I know it's a bit of a liability in the advice game, but I have never been nor have I ever sought to be an authority on anything. Sure, I like to learn up on stuff a little, but I am too much of a dilettante for the really deep dives. Often for me, a headline, a pithy tweet, or a refreshingly brief TikTok can be totally satisfying – no need to wallow in the tedium of comprehensive knowledge. That's for those suckers on the nerd couch who are probably making billions mining bitcoin or selling NFTs, which I would do myself if I didn't get bored after a few paragraphs reading about the same. Fortunately the internet offers an endless torrent of meaningless distraction that keeps me well-informed enough for a few minutes of vapid cocktail conversation. It's quite wonderful really.
In the course of my internet meanderings, I get a lot of side ads touting revolutionary workout/diet routines that are guaranteed to shred my pudgy, old-guy abs and make my testosterone levels surge like a silverback, but other than the occasional sideways glance at the photoshopped, ripped, glistening torso of some gray-haired sexagenarian, I don't feel a lot of pressure to be physically fit. Maybe if I worked at Under Armour? I have never toured the facility, but my bet is they have a really well-equipped gym and motivational posters all over the place that say things like, "Crunches not lunches." I am sure someone will disabuse me of that notion shortly, but for now that fantasy seems spot on.
Oh, but back to your annoying sister-in-law. Probably everyone has somebody in their life that is a little bit too much up in their chili, always telling them what to do. My hippie friend Motorcycle Michael used to call those people "should-ers" because they were always should-ing all over everybody. As an advice columnist, should-ing is pretty much my stock and trade, so I am now going to should on you. You might want to put on a raincoat or something.
Henceforth, anytime your sister-in-law starts telling you what you should do about diet or fitness, you should say, "I hate dieting and fitness. It's so boring. Let's talk about something else!" The key here is consistency. Every time. Yes, she will likely get annoyed, but it will be her getting annoyed and not you, and that's a nice win, isn't it? Besides, you're entitled to your own opinion. You're entitled to like what you like. Just swipe up to the next conversational TikTok, and if necessary, keep swiping until you get to something you enjoy … or at least that doesn't annoy you. My bet is that you'll eventually find a topic you and your sister-in-law can discuss that you both enjoy. How nice would that be?
