The Luv Doc: An Unsatisfactory Level of Commitment
Wherein the Luv Doc gives mad props to Bumble
By The Luv Doc, Fri., Jan. 7, 2022
Dear Luv Doc,
A good friend of mine from work has been dating one of my college classmates since November. They met at my Halloween party, hit it off, and the next thing I knew they were going out. Even though they have been together almost two months, every time I talk to my work friend she says she is just dating him for fun and that it's nothing serious. That would be fine if I didn't know for a fact that he is very serious about her. Should I talk to my college friend and tell him she doesn't feel the same or should I keep my mouth shut and let him find out for himself?
– Don't Like Where This Is Going
I know some people would say you should mind your own business, and those people are probably like 99% right, but I totally get your concern for your classmate's feelings. This probably isn't going to end well, and then you're going to have to decide who not to invite to your Halloween party. People in relationships, no matter how tenuous, rarely consider how their relationship – or the demise thereof – affects other people. It's annoyingly selfish, isn't it? I'm looking at you Tiffany Haddish and Common! (p.s. I would have said Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello, but I am a grownass man and TBH, nobody was pulling for Shawn and Camila). Tiffany and Common on the other hand, that was a Hail Mary relationship from the jump. Not even the ballsiest Vegas oddsmaker would have called that match. That would be like betting your paycheck on Rick the Hormone Monster against Usain Bolt in a hundred-yard dash. Mad props to Bumble for that matchup, no matter how short-lived.
That's the thing about other people's relationships: You never truly know how they're going to turn out. I know plenty of couples who trash each other regularly when the other one isn't around, but never seem to be able to pull the rip cord and save themselves from what they often describe as a miserable situation. I am talking about couples who have been together for decades. Maybe misery really does love company as long as the company is sleeping over. Similarly, I have also known people who are such commitment-phobes that they can't bring themselves to say anything definitive other than they are definitely keeping their options open. Once again, let me reiterate that these are people in the midst of what any normal person would consider long-term relationships.
The bottom line is: Words are cheap. You don't believe me? You got this paper for free. While it may seem like your work friend is screaming at you, "I am going to fuck over your college friend and break his fragile, precious heart," her actions are saying, "I could definitely do much worse, let's see how this thing plays out." Nonetheless, you still have to sleep at night and that's not going to happen if you're constantly revising your Halloween party guest list based on what may simply be your work friend's inability to make comforting commitment statements. Therefore, I suggest you go right to the heart of your problem and tell your work friend that you're not cool with her unsatisfactory level of commitment to her relationship with your friend. If you're into ultimatums, you could even tell her she needs to be all in with this relationship or she needs to break up with your college friend. Just know that could seriously backfire with both interested parties because, well, damn it, couples tend to talk privately about shit no matter whose feelings are involved. It's pretty selfish if you ask me, but like slowass Rick the Hormone Monster says, "Whatcha gonna do?"
