The Luv Doc: Problems That Don’t Actually Exist

Dear Luv Doc,

After sex a few nights ago, me and my girlfriend were talking about turn-ons and she told me that certain girls (women) really turn her on and that she has had sex with girls in the past. I am a little bit weirded out by that. How do I know she isn't having sex with girls right now? Is it worth even staying with her if at some point she gets turned on by some girl and decides to leave me?

– Billy

---

Hard to blame her, Billy. Certain girls are really hot. What are you going to do? Actually, I can tell you what you are going to do. Nothing. Well, unless you're an idiot. Then you might want to do something stupid like accusing her of having sex with girls right now when she clearly told you that was in the past.

For rhetorical purposes, I am going to assume you were really into your girlfriend before she told you she's had sex with women. Good news: She didn't change. She is still the same person you have been dating. What has changed is your perception of her. However, instead of feeling chuffed that she trusted you enough to divulge something so intimate, you are letting your insecurities run wild. Hey, if nothing else, her having had sex with other women is something you both have in common! Unless you're a virgin, of course, which means there's a whole lot more to unpack.

Are bisexual women statistically less inclined toward monogamy? I don't know. I'm sure you could Google that. Even still, I can't imagine you're the type of person who would end a relationship based on statistical analysis. If you are, trust me: You will be doing her a huge favor to end it right now.

Think of it this way: You had sex with women in your past. Do you feel inclined to have sex with some other woman because of that? No; more than likely, you are entirely focused on your girlfriend, or you wouldn't be calling her your girlfriend. I would bet she feels similarly. That's sort of the nature of monogamous relationships, isn't it?

Lastly, I can't tell you if your girlfriend is going to ditch you for some woman ... or some man, for that matter. I can tell you that as far as monogamous relationships go, those are the dice that you roll. Either she's into you and committed to you, or she isn't, and only you can make that call. In relationships, however, it's best in my opinion not to start dreaming up problems that don't actually exist.